TL;DR- The friend zone is a place where friendships sometimes go to die and hearts are broken, but what is it really? Is it being cruelly rejected or a matter of consent? How do you get out of the friend zone once and for all?
Is it “friend zoned” or “friendzoned” To someone who is, perfect spelling won’t matter. No matter how you say it or spell it, being there hurts. People who are crazy about someone who wants to just be friends might keep silent for a while, hoping their friend will have a change of heart and fall in love with them. Others try to find ways to convince their friend they should have more than just a friendship together. Join Spiritual Blossom to find out what to do to make it out of the friend zone with or without losing your relationship and without losing your mind.
What is the Friend Zone?
The friend zone is a modern phrase for when you are attracted to someone who wants to be your friend and has no romantic interest in you. Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D. writes that the friend zone is a mismatch in attraction and that some are friend zoned by someone who prefers friendship to the romance they want. He says that these relationships result in both people not getting what they want or need from the relationship. He also says some people are friend zoned by a mismatch in commitment. Some sexual partners shun commitment while the other partner longs for a long-term relationship. You can read more from Dr. Nicholson here: Avoiding the Friend Zone: Becoming a Girlfriend or Boyfriend | Psychology Today
It happens in different ways. Some people will decide a romance did not work out and want to be friends instead, but the person they are involved with doesn’t want to. Some people develop an attraction for someone before they get to know each other, and try to act like they want a friendship because they are too shy to ask the person out. Then, they feel rejected and say they have been friend zoned. It has been pointed out by writers like Amanda Marie Marcotte and Riva Dasgupta that some misogynists use the term friend zoned when their demands from women for sex are not immediately satisfied if they feel like they have been “nice guys”.
Why do you end up in the friend zone? One study found friend zoning happens over half the time because the relationship did not transition from friendship to romance. The study found that misunderstandings were also cited for the reason friend zoning happens. Most people said they directly made their feelings known, but about 28% of people made more subtle indication of their feelings. The result of one person making their feelings known was the relationship was most likely to be either strained or to continue with no changes- meaning it remained a friendship and there was no romance. However, not all is lost. The study found a small number of respondents ended up in a romance with their friend after all. You can read more from that study here: How People Deal With Being in "The Friend Zone" | Psychology Today
Some people are emotionally gutted by being friend zoned. Feelings of inadequacy can result and wondering if you were “more attractive” in some way would make your crush fall for you. You might meet someone and fall so hard for them, you fear you are doomed be alone for life if they reject you. You might also have a serious drop in your self-esteem. What’s worse, you can become bitter and say things like “All men are the same. They just want to play.” While some people do, not everybody does. When you have been romantically rejected, please remember something: As of this article’s construction, the world population was at over 8 billion people. You can be confident that there is someone special from those eight billion will love you more than you ever expected. Do you want to consult the Tarot Cards to see what they say about that? Find Tarot Card meanings here: A Quick Guide to Tarot Cards and their Meanings (spiritualblossom.com)
How to Tell if You Are Friend Zoned
Maybe being in the friend zone is not all that bad. After all, we can never have enough good friends, can we? Can you imagine life without your friends? Most of us can’t. Still, being in the friend zone is tough. You might wonder if it is happening to you, but you are not sure. There are some signs to look for to let you know if you are in the friend zone.
They Don’t Spend Much 1-1 Time with You
Do they drag all their other friends along when they go places with you? Do they invite you to “hang out” with a crowd as opposed to spending quality time together? When you are just a part of their extended friend’s group, they are not giving signs they have intimate feelings for you. People want alone time with people they are attracted to. If they spend some time with you but don’t do “couple’s things” like fancy dinners, dressing up to go to shows, or weekends away together, you might be friend zoned. Tauruses love 1-1 time with romance interests and you can read more here: Taurus Zodiac Traits and Love Compatibility (spiritualblossom.com)
They Don’t Flirt with You
If someone isn’t being flirtatious with you, chances are they are not interested- most especially if you have seen them flirt before. While flirting is not everybody’s style, if your love interest has flirted with other people, it means flirting actually IS their style. Maybe they are just used to you? Do couples who have been together for a while and are comfortable with each other still flirt with one another. A lot of times, they do. People behave differently toward people they are attracted to, so don’t assume flirting goes away with time. You can tell by intimate touches and things like them staring at you they are flirting. If your crush is a flirt who does not flirt with you, then you are in the friend zone. Libras can be notorious flirts and you can read more here: Libra Traits and Love Compatibility (spiritualblossom.com)
They Actively Date- Just Not You
Are you always watching them go on dates, and hearing about the dates afterwards but they never date you? Then don’t kid yourself. You are in the friend zone. Most especially if they cry to you about failed relationships or do the “All women/ men are the same!” lament to you, they see you as a non romantic friend. You might get tired of listening to that, and decide you don’t want to be the shoulder your crush cries on anymore when they get dumped by a never ending line of suitors. Just don’t tell yourself that one day they will “appreciate you” because chances are if it has not happened, it won’t. One Zodiac Sign who refuses to be emotionally disregarded is Leo and you can read about them here: Leo Traits and Love Compatibility (spiritualblossom.com)
You Have Asked and They Said “No”
The surest way to know if you are friend zoned is if you told your friend that you want a romantic relationship with them, and they said no. Then, they continue the friendship as if nothing ever happened. Congratulations. You are officially in the friend zone. You can wait to see if time changes their minds- and it might- but it might not. Sometimes no is permanent. One Zodiac Sign that is very straightforward when you ask about their feelings is Virgo and you can read about them here: Virgo Traits and Love Compatibility (spiritualblossom.com)
They Want Sex, Just Not Emotional Attachment
The sex is hot, frequent, and maybe even the best sex you ever had. You might think you have found your soulmate, but before you send out wedding invitations, talk it over with them. Some people want a sexual, unattached relationship. It hurts, but it is nothing personal. Chances are, they have told multiple people that, and you might not even be their only sexual partner right now. It’s not fun to fall for someone who wants a different kind of relationship than you do, but when it happens, you are in the friend zone. Sex is very important to Aries and you can read more about them here: Aries Zodiac Traits and Love Compatibility (spiritualblossom.com)
They Treat You Like a Sibling
Affection with family feels different than affection with romantic partners, and even people who we do not have an “official” romance with yet will be affectionate with us in a more sensual way than with family or friends. In other words, you might be in the friend zone if your crush is affectionate with you in a non-sexual wholesome way they would be with a sister or brother. Have you slept in the same bed together but never been sexual? Do they change clothes in front of you like you are a sports teammate? Do they cuddle with you but again, have never been sexual with you? Then, it’s time to accept you are probably in the friend zone. To read about the spiritual meaning of love, see here: What is the Spiritual Meaning of Love? (spiritualblossom.com)
How To Get Out of the Friend Zone
There are different approaches to getting out of the friend zone. You can either wait on the person you want to date to agree to date you, or you can step away. Just keep in mind something very important- the person you are attracted to has valid feelings that cannot be disregarded. Are you prepared to either take no for an answer or keep your romantic desires quiet while this person is getting to know you better?
Take “No” for an Answer
Sometimes, accepting that the person you are attracted to isn’t interested is the most difficult thing to do, but it’s necessary. We can’t make someone love us. Love has to happen all on its own. Is it possible for a friendship to develop into romantic love down the road? Sure, but that doesn’t always happen. It comes down to consent. No means no. Whatever reason someone else has for saying “No, I do not want to date you”, it’s their choice. When this happens, instead of being upset with them or focusing on feeling rejected, focus on honoring their feelings. After all, love is selfless. If you truly care about them, you will want them to be happy. If they are not happy being in a romance with you, then do what will make them happy- respect this and let them be with who they want to be with. To read what the Minor Arcana says about love, see here: Minor Arcana Cards for Love (spiritualblossom.com)
Wait
Would you like to hear a true story about being friend zoned that ended in marriage? One day, Sarah met Dan, and Dan asked her out. After they dated for a while, Christina believed that Dan was not her “type” and she thought they would just be friends. However, as the days went on and Dan spent more time with her, Sarah realized she was falling in love with him. They married over ten years ago and are still madly in love. Maybe Dan could have said he was friend zoned, but time showed they were meant to be lovers for life. It is entirely possible you and your friend who you fell for won’t end up as a couple, but if it happened for Dan and Sarah, it could happen for you. Do you have the patience to wait and see? It might be worth it. To read about saying “ I love you”, see here: When Should I Tell Him I Love Him? (spiritualblossom.com)
Leave
Sometimes, your heart is broken when you are friend zoned, and you need to move on from the relationship to heal emotionally. Even though nobody has done anything wrong, if it is necessary to end the relationship so you can have some closure, it’s okay. It’s not the same as breaking up with someone, but then again, it is similar, because it is, after all, a friend breakup. When you have tried your best to emotionally detach from your feelings of love and you just can’t do it, break off the friendship if you have to. You might even just distance yourself a while until you stop hurting and spend time with them in the future in a more limited capacity. Do what you need to do to heal, and if that means stepping away, so be it. To read about how the Zodiac Signs break up, see here: Breakups with Each of the Signs (spiritualblossom.com)
Nobody wants to be romantically rejected, but sometimes it happens. When your feelings are raw, it’s easy to forget that the person saying “no” to a romance has legitimate feelings, and you can’t make them love you. However, maybe they can be your friend. There will come a time in your life when you have to decide in your heart whether to maintain a friendship with someone you are attracted to or lose them for good. Only your heart can make that decision. Just remember, if someone you fall for friend zones you, that might not be the love you want from them, but it’s still love. That’s okay. You will find your perfect life partner and just maybe it's not the one that friend zoned you.
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About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Spiritual Blossom, and she writes for The Green Egg. She has written for Mysticsense and PaganPagesOrg emag.
