When you say “My feelings hurt because of what happened!”, it’s time to do something about it, but what? Find out what to do when you have been hurt, what not to do, and what to do when you are the one who was hurtful.
“My boyfriend hurt my feelings!” We’ve all been there. Being hurt is just a part of being human sometimes, and it’s not fun. Some people say nothing gets to them emotionally, because they refuse to allow it to- but truthfully, everybody gets hurt by something or another sometimes. Why does any of this even happen and what can you do about it when it does? Join SpiritualBlossom as we explore hurt feelings. Find out why we get our feelings hurt, what it does to our bodies, and exactly what to do and not to do when your feelings are hurt.
My Feelings Are Hurt!
We consider ourselves an intelligent, rational species, but our feelings decide a lot of what we do. Whether we love someone or not decides whether we stay in a relationship with them. Whether we love our job decides how long we stay there. Whether a place makes us feel good or not decides how often we go there, if at all. We tend to avoid experiences and people who upset us and gravitate toward people and experiences that make us feel good. It’s not just being moody, it actually affects our health. Memories of physical pain cannot be felt, but feelings of emotional pain can, and sometimes, no matter how long ago we were hurt, we still feel the emotional pain when we remember it. Emotional pain stresses you and this affects your immune system, making you more vulnerable to illness. So, it’s very important to handle things as soon as possible when you are hurting emotionally. Read more about how stress can make us sick here: Can Stress Actually Make You Sick? (clevelandclinic.org)
Why Hurt Feelings Happen
We can be emotionally hurt for a lot of different reasons, but one very important one has to do with our memories. We remember things that happened in the past, and a word or action from somebody can trigger memories of an event, and make us automatically remember how bad that felt. Then, our instinct is to protect ourselves. Sometimes, we are shocked because something is a completely new experience. Betrayal, insults, or sensitive topics being picked at can hurt feelings too. Remembering trauma can make you relive it and being ridiculed or belittled is hurtful. Anything that makes you feel bad for any reason is hurtful.
Sometimes, people don’t mean to hurt us, but it happens anyway. They might remind us of something that hurts. It might be something as unintentional as simply wearing the same perfume that an ex wore that brings up old hurts, and sometimes people hurt our feelings on purpose. Somebody might try to overpower you by deliberately bringing up what they know upsets you, and somebody might know something hurts you and do it anyway just for themselves. Hurt feelings happen for a lot of different reasons, but regardless of the specific reason, to hurt sometimes is just part of being human. Read about being your best self here: How to Be Your Best Self
That’s Your Choice?
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”- Eleanor Roosevelt
Is it a choice to be hurt like some people say it is? Not exactly. Each of us is different. What upsets one person won’t bother somebody else. Who is right and who is wrong? Both people are. You are not wrong to be more or less emotionally sensitive to certain things. It’s just the way you are and maybe over time, you can build up more emotional resistance to certain things, but that doesn’t happen overnight. You don’t choose how you feel about things. What you can choose is how you react. You might still be hurt, but doing things that make a situation worse won’t make you feel better.
What Not To Do
Before you read on, know that feelings are normal, and you should never let anybody tell you that emotionally strong people are never hurt, because that’s not true. Strong people know that negative emotions including feeling emotionally hurt are normal, healthy, and part of being alive. They sit with their pain, and they try not to react impulsively because of how they feel. Blaming yourself when someone else hurts you is not going to help either. Getting revenge might feel good at first, but in the end, it doesn’t make the pain stop.
React impulsively
It is very difficult not to react impulsively when you have been hurt. Some people are so decisive, they can make a choice no matter how much emotional distress they are under, but not everybody is that way. When you are initially hurt, you might need to take time out and be quiet within yourself for a little while before deciding what to do. Acting rashly can make things much worse, and you might regret what the author’s Priest always called a “Knee-jerk reaction.” A Reverend who the author knows says he always types out what he wants to say and sets it aside until he has calmed down a little bit- then he edits his message. Taking time to collect your emotions and thoughts before reacting can make sure you make a decision you don’t later regret. Crystals can be calming, and you can read how to use them here: The Best Stones for Anxiety
Blame Yourself
“You are obviously more sensitive than I thought you were” and “You just can’t take a joke” are things people sometimes say when they refuse to take responsibility for the fact they have been hurtful. It is not your fault for emotionally reacting to hurtful words or deeds. Some things just hurt, and truthfully, a lot of things would hurt pretty much anybody. You are not “too sensitive” or “unable to take a joke.” If people want to dodge responsibility, trying to blame you for the way they made you feel, you can simply say, “We can talk about this when you are ready to take responsibility for the hurtful thing you did.” Then it’s up to them to step up.
Hurt Them Back
They say revenge is sweet, but spiritual leader Gandhi didn’t think so. He said, “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” The worst thing you could be isn’t hurt. The worst thing you can be is a hurtful person. It might make you feel justified momentarily to see somebody who hurt you hurting, but it won’t take away the pain you feel in the long run. Focusing on your own emotional healing is the right way to feel better. The worst consequence of being a hurtful person is being a hurtful person. So, you can never do anything worse to hurtful people than they do to themselves. Protecting yourself against hurtful people can help and you can read about that here: Magic for Self-Defense
What To Do
So, if you are not going to have “knee-jerk reactions”, blame yourself when people hurt you, and you are not going out to get revenge, how can you get a hold of your emotions and do something about the fact you have been hurt at the same time? Because you can do both, you know. You are going to take a step back, catch your breath, and communicate about what happened. Then, after these things, you have to move forward from what happened, but there is just one question. Will you move forward with the person who hurt you in your life, or without them?
Take a Breather
Stopping yourself when you are hurt from doing things that you will later regret is just part of taking a breather. You might need to take some time to yourself to decide exactly what you want moving forward. You may need time away from people while you decide, and that’s okay. Give yourself permission to take all the time you need to find out.
Communicate
Expressing what hurt you and how it made you feel can be very important. If you are having trouble putting your feelings into words, write them out, set them aside, and go back and read what you wrote. If the person who hurt you is someone you love, sharing how you feel is a very important part of your relationship. It’s not explaining yourself. It’s about explaining what hurts, why it hurts, and why it needs to never happen again. Keeping your feelings secret won’t always help. Find out about how the Signs keep secrets here: How Do the Signs Keep Secrets?
Move Forward
When people show you the way they are, you shouldn’t try to change them. Just believe what they are showing you about themselves and let them do the things they do. They are demonstrating what a relationship with them is going to be like for you. After being hurt, it is going to be up to you to decide how you move forward and there are two ways to do that. With them, or without them in your life.
Moving Forward With Them
Nobody is perfect, and all of us will make mistakes. Furthermore, it is the people who we love who can hurt us the most, isn’t it? We care deeply about our lives with them, and we spend a lot of time with them. They might not mean to be hurtful, and the moment they find out they were, they might apologize and promise never to do it again. Not all mistakes are dealbreakers in relationships, and some people deserve another chance. Giving good people a chance to prove they are sorry and won’t hurt you again is always worth it. Read about manifesting love here: How to Manifest Love
Moving Forward Without Them
Then again, some things are dealbreakers and there are no two ways about that. There are so many people who will come into your life, and not all of them are meant to be with you forever. When people do things that devastate you, it can be a dealbreaker. When someone knew what they were about to do would be life shattering, and they did it anyways, chances are, it’s a deal breaker. Most especially if they are not sorry, it’s almost definitely a dealbreaker. Sometimes, no matter how much you care about someone, it is necessary to move forward with your life without them in it. Letting go is necessary sometimes even when it’s not easy and you can read our guide on how to do that here: The Ultimate Guide on How to Let Someone Go
When You Hurt Them
Sometimes, you are the one who hurts someone, and you don’t quite know what to do about it. It’s not always easy to know what to say or do, but there are a few things that can help. First, ask them if you hurt them and ask them what you can do instead. Finally, change the behavior to make sure you don’t hurt them again.
Ask “Did I Hurt Your Feelings”?
So, you and your friend had an argument, and you both said some harsh things. You are ready to move on, laugh things off, and you feel okay, but your friend is pretty quiet with you. You are not sure what upset them, and days go by without them talking to you. There is just one thing to do. Ask them if you hurt them. It’s scary to hear about what you did wrong, but nobody is perfect, and each of us is wrong sometimes. Ask the person you love to tell you what you said or did, how it made them feel, and listen without being defensive. Sometimes all you need to do is listen and the hurt disappears. The people you love are worth it. Read about finding your soulmate: What’s a Soulmate/How Do You Find Them?
Ask What to Do Instead
Once you know what you did that was hurtful- even if it was not your intention to hurt anybody- ask your loved one what the right thing to do is. This will make sure that you understand exactly what is hurtful, and what will make them feel good instead. It might be difficult to understand why what you did hurts, and that’s okay. If you can’t understand why, all you need to know is it was. Then you can focus on doing what is better.
Change
Change is difficult, time consuming, and it can feel impossible at times, but change can be very good. If we are constantly improving, we can evolve in ways we never imagined. If someone you love points out that something you do is hurtful, and they have a solution- meaning- they know what you can do instead, do it. Change for the better. Read about changing and manifesting new beginnings: How to Manifest Your Life After Changes
Being hurt emotionally can be as bad or worse than being physically injured. When you remember being emotionally hurt, it can hurt just as badly as it did when it first happened, and this can take a toll on your health. Learning to take control of your feelings when you are hurt empowers you to rise above what happened and thrive despite it. We don’t always get to decide whether something hurts our feelings or not, but we can decide how we react, and sometimes, that’s the best thing of all.
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About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for SpiritualBlossom and Mysticsense, and she writes for The Green Egg Magazine and PaganPages.Org emag.
