If you spend your day saying yes to everybody who asks you for something, it’s time to learn to say no. Knowing when to say no will help improve your life, stress levels, and relationships. Find out how and when to say no.
You might be someone who loves to help people and making somebody’s day better makes you feel fulfilled. So, whenever somebody asks you for something, you find yourself going out of your way to accommodate them. Is that a good idea? Sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn’t. If you never say no, you will find yourself taken advantage of and not appreciated. Join SpiritualBlossom to learn why it’s important to say no sometimes, Find out how and when to say no, and how saying no will give you the opportunity to say yes to better things.
What Does No Mean?
“ Freedom isn’t the ability to say yes. It’s the ability to say no.” Anonymous
No expresses turning away something, not allowing it, or saying it isn’t so. It is the opposite of yes and it sets a boundary oftentimes. Saying no is different than just using the word no, though. Saying no is often done to preserve privacy, maintain comfort levels, and maintain personal boundaries. No means you respect yourself enough to limit the amount of access other people have to you.
A lot of people have a problem telling other people no. This is because we are afraid to upset people. However, people may be so busy NOT upsetting other people that they completely forget about their own feelings. We might feel guilty, like we are being selfish if we say no, but sometimes, thinking of yourself is necessary. People will try to manipulate you if they know they can make you feel guilty, and they can take advantage of you if you allow it. At our best, we help people when we can and refuse to feel guilty for what we cannot do. Read about being your best shelf here: How to Be Your Best Self
Saying no is considered disagreeable and therefore is forbidden to many people. Putting your own needs aside for the sake of other people is praised- most especially by people who don’t think of anybody else but themselves. It is reported that women especially are expected to say yes, compromise themselves, and lay their own needs aside in families and on the job. A woman at work will be seen as aggressive if she is assertive, but an assertive man will be seen as competent. Societal expectations can make it harder for women to say no. Whether you are a man or a woman, though, it is necessary to say no when you need to. Read more about why it is necessary for women to say no more often here: Gender stereotypes make it hard for women to have boundaries, say 'no' (usatoday.com)
Isn’t No Negativity?
“ Positive anything is better than negative nothing.” – Elbert Hubbard
Multiple online definitions say no is a negative word- but does that mean it creates negativity? Not necessarily. Saying yes when you don’t want to marry somebody is actually going to create drama and heartbreak, but saying no will break things off more easily. Saying yes when you don’t want to babysit for your neighbor will create resentment and tension between you and the neighbors. Saying no in the first place might annoy them, but it won’t create the drama that feeling forced into unwanted work for them will. Saying no when it is necessary is truthful whereas saying yes when you don’t want to is dishonest. Saying no at the right time is a very positive and protective thing to do. Read about protective magic here: Magic for Self-Defense
When To Say No
“ The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.” – Tony Blair
So, when should you say no? There are a lot of different times saying no is called for. When you are asked to do something that would hurt you or someone else, go ahead and refuse to do it. When doing something for somebody will enable them, it’s a good time to say no. When you feel imposed upon, don’t let people do that to you. Say no.
When Things Would Hurt
Is someone asking you to help them lie to somebody you care about by keeping information they need from them? Go ahead and tell your loved one the truth. Is someone asking you to loan them money when you can barely pay your own bills? Tell them they can’t have your money. Is someone trying to get you to help them cheat? Go ahead and tell them no. Refusing to participate in something that would hurt you or somebody else is in your best interest. Anytime somebody tries to get you to create hurt, you can tell them no. Read about controlling emotions here: The Ten Best Ways to Control Emotions
When You Could Enable Someone
It’s hard to say no to someone who tells you they need your help. Sometimes people don’t want help, though. They want you to give them what they need to stay in a bad situation they created and are enjoying. If your cousin is an alcoholic who cannot pay rent and also afford their drinking habit, allowing them to live for free in your house will give them more money to spend on their addiction. It will not help them. If your co-worker has a bad habit of putting their work off until the last minute, and then begs you to do their work for them so they can meet deadlines, continuing to do this will keep them from doing a good job on their own. It pays off to allow people to deal with the consequences of their own actions so they learn to better themselves. Tell them no, you will not enable them. Consequences are scary, but you can learn to face fears here: Facing and Overcoming Fears
When You Feel Imposed Upon
When your friend calls and asks you to dog sit for two weeks when they know you are allergic to dogs, it’s okay to tell them they will need to find another dog sitter. When your best friend wants you to stay up late watching movies when they know you have an extra early start time at work tomorrow, go ahead and tell them you can’t. If members your Home Owner’s Association tries to corner you into becoming the association’s president when you don’t want to, just say no. No matter how many times people ask you to do things for them, if it feels like an unreasonable request or one that will eat up too much time, energy, or resources, love yourself enough to say no Read about self-love here: Practicing Self Love
How to Say No
“ Simplify your life. Learn to say no.”- Anonymous
Some people are naturally good at saying no, but other people need some tips on how to do it. Bargaining is a simple way to say no, but still be accommodating. Another way to say no is to directly communicate why you are saying no or to say nothing at all. Then, you can always set a boundary and stick with it.
Bargain
Saying no by bargaining is telling somebody you cannot do exactly what they want, but you can do something else for them. “I can’t do that right now, but I will make it my top priority first thing in the morning,” is a great way to tell somebody you can’t do what they ask for immediately. Another way to bargain is if you get a client with sticker shock. Tell them, “I am not lowering my price, but I can let you do a layaway.” Bargaining when you say no creates a win-win situation where the person asking you for something still gets something good, but you still allow yourself to say no. Finding a solution that benefits everybody might sound like a dream. Find out how to make your dreams come true here: How to Make All Your Dreams Come True
Be Direct
If you need to tell somebody no, you can always look them in the eye and just say it. “No, I will not loan you our boat this weekend. My in-laws are in town, and we are taking them out on the boat.” You can take it a step further and say “I actually don’t loan our boat out. I can get you the number for our salesperson if you’d like a boat, but the marina has rentals if you don’t want to buy one. “ Being direct can explain your reasons and it makes some people less likely to make unreasonable requests in the future. Virgos can be very direct in their communications and you can read about that Zodiac Sign here: Virgo Traits and Love Compatibility
Be Silent
Some requests don’t deserve a response. The neighbor who asks for the umpteenth time if you will mow their lawn for free can be ignored. The girl who keeps begging you for a date can get the hint when you don’t even respond to tell her no. The office mate who asks you for one of your vacation days deserves to be ignored. Not everybody wants to be direct when they don’t say yes. Some people are non-confrontational, and the thought of a conflict makes them very uncomfortable. Other people will make the same requests over and over no matter how many times you tell them no. The old saying “if you ignore somebody they will go away” is true. Sometimes it is best to say nothing. If you annoy a Libra with constant requests, they might ignore you. Read about Libras here: Libra Traits and Love Compatibility
Set a Boundary
Setting a boundary means limiting what you will tolerate or how accessible you are to other people. In order to say no, sometimes you need to set a permanent boundary. The family member who is always late picking their toddler up when you babysit for them can either show up on time from now on, or you can be done babysitting. The client who is overly fond of yelling at you can learn to talk to you respectfully, or they can find a new associate to help them. Tell people what you expect, and then don’t go back on it.
Be prepared that when you say no and set a boundary, you might get some pushback from people. Some people don’t want to take no for an answer, but as adults, sometimes we accept that we have to. If that client who yells stops yelling for a while and then starts again, go ahead and resign. You have plenty of other clients and don’t deserve the disrespect. Once you have made the decision that saying no is for the best, stand by your decision.
What if I Feel Guilty?
“Guilt is a thief that steals your happiness!” – Sheri Dyas Mellott
If you are a kindhearted person and you like making other people feel good, saying no can make you feel bad about yourself. You might feel like you are a heartless person who is not helping people when you say no. When you give people what they want, sometimes they heap praise upon you, and other times, they spend time with you, rewarding you for what you have done for them. If you say no, somebody might get mad. They might stop speaking to you. They might try to fight about it. They might even speak against you, telling you that you are a bad friend, lazy co-worker, or a selfish person.
Even if they don’t strike out at you, there is a chance you may feel bad for saying no. What happens when you need to say no, and then you feel guilty? Ask yourself if it was necessary to say no. If it was, you are blameless. Balancing keeping people happy with doing the right thing needs done sometimes. Unfortunately, when it is necessary to say no, if you feel guilty, remind yourself that saying no could not be helped. Most of the time, people understand and the only one who is upset with you is yourself. Forgive yourself and remember you made the best possible decision.
How Saying No is Saying Yes
“Say “NO” without guilt. Say “YES” without fear.”- Paul Coelho
Saying no to too much work is saying yes to a good work/life balance and it preserves your sanity and your health. Saying no to your creepy neighbor for a date is saying yes to self-respect. Saying no to that second slice of cake after extra pizza is saying yes to your health. Saying no to the buyer who expects you to cut your price in half is saying yes to getting a fair price for what you are selling. When you say no and shut out the wrong things, you allow space in your life for the right things. Saying no is in essence saying yes to yourself.
Saying no when you need to might be hard sometimes, but it’s worth it. Every day we have choices to make. Are we going to choose the right things for our lives, or are we going to let other people dictate everything to us, and make us settle for the wrong things? If you learn to say no to people when the time is right, you will open yourself to allowing the right things in your life. No is not bad, but it’s very good. Say no when the time is right and say yes to yourself!
Are you struggling with whether to say no to someone? A psychic reading can help, so get one started today: Online Psychic Readings. Make sure to sign up for our Horoscopes to find out what the future holds: Daily Horoscope | Free Horoscopes
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for The Green Egg Magazine and PaganPages.Org emag.