Find out all about secrets whether they are creating trust issues or they are being told. Find out if keeping secrets is good or bad and how to decide whether to keep a secret or not.
What is a Secret?
“ Three things cannot long stay hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.” - Buddha
A secret is some information that is kept hidden, and nobody knows about it except for a select few people. We all have secrets, and we all find out secrets that shock us. Often, people keep secrets from people who they believe don’t need to know the information, and some secrets are kept for safety. For example, people keep a secret duplicate key hidden somewhere in their yard in case they lose their keys or lock themselves out of the house, and they keep this location hidden so their home is safe from people who might use the key to break into the house.
A lot of secrets are kept so people can save face. Secrets about things family members have done help maintain a good reputation for the family, and other people keep things they personally are not proud of secret. A birthmark considered unsightly might be covered by makeup, and body slimming clothing is often worn to make people appear thinner and these are the type of things a lot of people do secretly. Some secrets are thought of as excessive, however. Spending $10,000 without telling your spouse after you both agreed to pay down some debt would be considered too big of a secret to keep, and some people would call that lying about money.
An article by Science Alert revealed some surprising truths about secrets. It reported that people behave as if they are releasing a heavy burden when they share secrets with someone else and that keeping secrets is difficult, and can be emotionally harmful for people. The article reported that almost half of the people asked were keeping a secret that included a violation of trust while there was about a 60% chance that included keeping secrets about financial impropriety or a lie. It also reported that the more preoccupied we are with the secret, the more it distresses us. Science Predicts You're Hiding 13 Secrets - And Nearly Half of Those You've Never Told a Soul : ScienceAlert
The Trust Dilemma
“ Only those you trust can betray you.” – Terry Goodkind
What it comes down to is trust. Who can we trust to tell our secrets to, and who can trust us to keep their secrets? It is not always easy to know who you can confide in, and an easy way to find out is to tell someone a small secret and pay attention over time to see whether they reveal it or not. If you believe they truly care about your feelings, you might decide to automatically trust them without testing to see if they keep a small secret or not. Just keep in mind that sometimes people reveal secrets. They can’t reveal a secret if you don’t tell it to them, and you might decide to trust nobody and to simply keep your secret to yourself. When you are deciding whether to reveal a secret or not, an easy way to decide is if keeping the secret is more difficult, or dealing with the consequences of somebody revealing the secret is.
Entire relationships can be destroyed by secrets. If you are going through a divorce, and you discover that your best friend knew your spouse was having an affair for years and they did not tell you about it, chances are that your friend as well as your spouse will lose you. For some people, if they cannot trust somebody who they love, they won’t be comfortable in a relationship with them. If you tell a very personal secret to somebody and they tell someone else who then reveals it to another individual, then your secret is out. You might feel betrayed, and never trust that person again. Pay close attention to the people who you spend time with, and when they demonstrate they cannot be trusted, don’t tell them your secrets. You can always trust your spirit animal and you can read about them here: Articles & Media
Rejecting Secrets
“It is wise not to seek a secret, and honest not to reveal one.” – William Penn
You also have to consider whether or not you want to deal with the secrets other people want to share with you. Just because somebody wants to talk to you about secrets that they expect you to keep doesn’t mean you have to listen. Even if it is somebody you truly love, if listening to their secrets bothers you, then you still don’t owe it to them to listen and it is entirely fair to tell them to talk to someone else about it. If they are revealing inappropriate personal information that makes you uncomfortable, you might decide to send them away to find somebody else to share their secret with. If their secret would betray somebody else, you have every right to refuse to be let in on the secret. If you just don’t want to be involved for your own peace of mind, that’s a good enough reason to refuse to allow somebody to share a secret with you.
Too Much Information
It can be downright embarrassing to hear people’s personal information, and it might be too much for you. When somebody starts discussing their sex life, medical information, finances, or even things they are involved in that you disagree with, a simple way to tell them you won’t listen is to simply say, “I am sorry, but this is none of my business and it makes me very uncomfortable. This is too much information, and I don’t want to hear about it.” The closer you are to somebody, the greater the chances they will find this offensive, but it doesn’t matter. Accepting the responsibility of keeping a secret they want to share is entirely at your discretion. If they continue to talk about it and won’t allow you to redirect the conversation, you can always leave until they agree to talk about something else.
Betraying Someone
If somebody begins telling you a secret and you realize that it betrays somebody else, you might decide to tell them to stop. Revealing other people’s secrets or gossiping about them can put the listener in an uncomfortable position and not everybody wants to be in that position. Not everybody wants to hear gossip to begin with, but it is especially uncomfortable if you don’t want to hear somebody betraying secrets other people entrusted somebody with. Remember, if somebody wants to betray somebody by telling their secrets, they are the ones in the wrong, and it is not your job to keep it a secret that they did that. Simply refusing to listen can keep you from getting involved.
Not Getting Involved
Sometimes, it does not matter why, but you just don’t want any involvement at all with whatever secrecy is going on. Maybe somebody has every reason to keep something a secret from somebody else, and while you respect that, you don’t feel like that needs to be shared with anybody at all. Maybe this individual confides far too much far too often with you for your taste, and you are just not in the mood to listen to them sharing anymore right now. Maybe you feel that somebody is being far too secretive about something you feel is really not all that important. Whatever the reason is, you just don’t want to be included in whatever secret somebody is trying to share with you, and you have every right to tell them no. While they might feel that you need to explain your reasoning for staying unaware of the secret, you don’t have to explain yourself if you don’t want to.
When to Keep Secrets
“ To keep your secret is wisdom; but to expect others to keep it is folly.” – Samuel Johnson
Sometimes, somebody tells you a big secret, and you immediately know not to ever repeat it to anybody. When sharing that secret is going to make a problem bigger and you don’t feel like that is necessary, you might decide not to reveal the secret. If it won’t benefit anybody if you reveal the secret, you might decide it’s not worth it to tell the secret. You might have no specific reason to keep a secret other than you just instinctively feel it would be better to, and that is alright also. Your soulmate will keep your secrets and you can read about them here: What’s a Soulmate/How Do You Find Them?
When Telling Creates a Bigger Problem
If you have two friends who have been fighting, and they both complained to you about one another, telling each of them what the other person said might just add fuel to the fire. If, however, you tell them to sit down and discuss what is upsetting them, and share everything openly, they might be able to reconcile instead. If you find out your sibling snuck out of the house decades ago to attend a rock concert, sharing that with your parents might start a fight, and it’s not going to help anything. If you find out that a coworker who dislikes you lied about their age, sharing that over lunch at the office to embarrass him might strain your professional relationship even more. Revealing that you know his secret might make him angry as well. Sometimes, the best thing to do is keep a secret just that- a secret. When sharing a secret creates a bigger problem that it could solve, it is okay to be silent and share it with nobody.
When It Doesn’t Matter
Say your two best friends broke up with each other years ago, they are both happily married to other people, and they never stayed in contact with one another. Then one day, one of them tells you they lied to their ex about their weight years ago because they were embarrassed. It might bother you they lied to somebody who is your friend, but in a situation like this, it’s not going to matter if they knew about what happened. When revealing a secret somebody has shared with you is pointless, you might decide not to waste your breath or words sharing it. In a case like this, it may make the person who confided in you wonder if they can trust you at all, and for such a pointless thing, you might decide it isn’t worth it.
When You Think You Should
Sometimes, you don’t have a special reason for keeping a secret to yourself. Sometimes the secret is not that big or small and worrying about betraying somebody is not on your mind. Sometimes, the information is not terribly important, but also not terribly pointless. Sometimes, you don’t feel noble about keeping silent or special because a secret was specifically shared with you as opposed to somebody else. You can’t describe exactly why you feel you should not share a particular secret that was shared with you. Your intuition simply tells you not to repeat what you heard, so you don’t. Keeping a secret just because you want to keep the secret is as good a reason as any other one is.
When to Tell Secrets
“A good friend keeps your secrets for you. A best friend helps you keep your own secrets. “- Lauren Oliver
Knowledge is power and with power comes responsibility. What do you do when you know something that you feel should be revealed, but it was told to you in confidence that you would not repeat it? If somebody reveals a secret to you, sometimes, you feel like it is best to reveal the truth even though they expect you to stay silent. If the secret is upsetting and you feel somebody deserves to know what was said about them, you might decide to tell them the secret. If the secret protects someone from consequences you feel they deserve, you may decide to reveal the truth. When so- called secrets are flat out lies, you might decide to expose the lies by telling the secret.
When Secrets Hurt
Sometimes, we keep things quiet because we know the truth will upset somebody who we care about, and we don’t want them to be hurt. However, if they find out you knew and did not tell them, they may be even more hurt than if you had told them the truth to begin with. Sometimes it is best to tell the secret, and not keep things from people. Are you truly protecting your loved one or are you afraid of dealing with how upset things will make them when they find out what is going on? It's not always easy to know what the best thing to do is when an upsetting secret has been revealed to you, but if you think telling the secret will be better than them being hurt you kept a secret, it’s okay to tell them the secret.
When Secrets Delay Justice
If you know somebody who you feel has committed a vile act, and they expect you to keep it secret, it’s okay if you decide not to. Not everybody deserves our protection, especially somebody who has done something horrible. Some people are required to keep secrets because of their jobs like attorneys or certain clergy persons, but unless your vows or job dictate it, you are under no obligation to protect someone from the consequences of their actions. Friends, co-workers, and even strangers sometimes expect us to keep things secret, not because we owe them anything, but because if they are caught, they will be in a lot of trouble. If you tell the secret, however, don’t be surprised if they become angry, and accuse you of betraying them. Do what you feel is right, and don’t worry about how somebody who did the wrong thing feels about that.
When Secrets Disguise Truth
If someone says something behind the back of somebody who you love, and expects you to keep that a secret, you might decide not to. Is a mutual friend cheating with your friend’s girlfriend? It’s okay if you feel it is best to reveal the affair. Is a family member keeping a family gathering hidden from a cousin you think should be included? It’s okay if you feel it is best to tell this secret. Some people consider keeping the truth away from them to be a form of betrayal and other people believe that everything they tell you should be a secret you never reveal. If telling a secret betrays somebody who was keeping necessary truth away from somebody, it’s okay to reveal that truth. Psychics tell the truth- or do they? Are psychics real? Are Psychics Real?
“ Lies cut the heart. Secrets scar the soul.” – Anonymous
Secrets are things we all have, and nobody wants their secrets to be shared without their permission. Be careful who you tell your secrets to and be careful what secrets you agree to keep. Keeping a secret can be very helpful sometimes, and at other times it can be the worst decision you could make. Nobody has a right to expect you to keep secrets for them that you don’t want to be burdened with, and it’s okay to ask them to confide in somebody else instead. Deep in your heart, you know when it is best to keep secrets, and when it is best to reveal them. May the secrets in your heart stay safe, and may no secret ever hurt you. So Be It.
Still don’t know whether to keep a secret or not? Reach out to a psychic to find out what is the best thing to do: Online Psychic Readings
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for SpiritualBlossom, Mysticsense, and she writes for The Green Egg and PaganPages.Org emag.
