Getting divorced? Don’t worry, because we have a handy guide for how to survive your divorce and how to thrive despite everything. Find out when a divorce is necessary, how to file, and what to do after your divorce.
Some people say that your wedding day is the happiest day of your life, so does that mean that your happy life is over if your marriage ends in divorce? It doesn’t have to, unless you decide to let it, thankfully, and if you or your spouse were very unhappy in the marriage, getting a divorce might be heartbreaking, but it can give you the chance to be even happier than you imagined when you walked down the aisle. There are some things you can do to maintain your sanity and to keep from feeling like you will die from a broken heart while you are going through divorce, and it all starts with the realization that things are over.
Sometimes, you and your spouse will have fought to stay together for a long time and the realization that things are not working out might feel like a bad dream instead of reality. Understanding that you are not alone or a failure if your marriage ends in divorce is important, and knowing how to file for divorce and things you can do to make the process easier can help you sleep better at night. Even when you get through the divorce, no matter how smooth the process may have been, it is important to know how to start your life without the person you were married to and understand that sometimes they will not come back to you. Read on to learn steps after a breakup that results in divorce and how to thrive in a new life.
When Do You Give Up?
“What signs tell me it’s over and there is no hope of working things out?” There are no definite answers to when it’s time to give up and divorce, because each marriage is different. What might be a dealbreaker in one marriage can easily be worked out by another couple. So you and your spouse will have to decide together if a problem is worth working through. There are a few things that a lot of people believe indicate that the marriage is over, however and if these are going on in your marriage, you are not wrong to feel like a divorce is possible. If you are being cheated on or if your spouse does not care about you at all, your marriage might end in divorce. Another big red flag in a relationship is when your spouse does not care whether you stay together or if you just pack up and leave.
Is There Someone Else?
When do you give up on a relationship? Plenty of people call it quits if there has been infidelity. Psychology Today published some bleak findings for marriages where one or both partners had cheated. About 40% of people who had cheated ended up divorced while only about 17% of people who were not unfaithful ended up divorced. Considering these numbers, infidelity can make it twice as likely your marriage will end in divorce. If you find yourself saying “He loves someone else! What do I do?” The answer depends on what you decide. Cutting someone off from your life when they have cheated on you is understandable. Do what your heart tells you is best. You can read more from that article here: Revealing Divorce Statistics In 2023 – Forbes Advisor
Some people decide to get marriage counseling and reaffirm their vows to their marriage and stay together after an affair. Why do men disappear and cheat? The same reason women do, because they want to. Not everybody cheats, but when somebody does, they may stumble over excuses like “I don’t think you are as attractive as you were years ago, so I cheat.” The fact is, most people change as they age, and may not be as “pretty” or “handsome” as they were in their spouses eyes on their wedding day. If you think you won’t want to stay married when your spouse gets older, and you will want to “trade them in” for a younger person, remember that you will be aging right along with them, and if you cannot commit to somebody, it is okay if you don’t want to get married in the first place.
He Doesn’t Care About Me
Why do men run away and emotionally abandon a marriage? Not all men do this, and some women do this too. Some people do not truly love the person who they married, and they literally do not care about their spouse at all. If you discover that the person who you married does not care about you, there is nothing you can do about that. You cannot make them fall in love with you. Love is not a temporary emotion that you “fall out of”. If somebody loves you, they love you forever even if some things about you change. If your wife or husband shows you that they do not care for you, there is nothing wrong with calling it quits and getting a divorce from them.
He Doesn’t Care if I Leave Him
Like a spouse not caring about you, if a spouse does not care whether they spend their lives with you or not, there is nothing wrong with asking for a divorce. Why do guys go cold after a breakup that leads to a marriage separation? If you tell them you want a trial separation, and they become emotionally cold, that might make you feel like they don’t care, and the separation might become permanent. People can become cold in relationships for a lot of reasons, one of which being that they don’t care if you stay together. It takes two to make a marriage work, and if your spouse is not willing to do their part, there is nothing wrong with divorcing them. Breakups with Each of the Signs
How Many Marriages End in Divorce?
Let’s examine some statistics about how many people get divorced. About half of all first marriages end in divorce, but divorce rates have declined since 2000. However, less people are getting married as well, and almost half of new marriages include somebody who is remarrying after a divorce. As to second and third marriages, their divorce rates are worse than first marriage divorce rates with 67% of second marriages ending in divorce and 73% of third marriages ending in divorce. With this many marriages ending in divorce, it might make you wonder why people who would go to the trouble of getting married would file for divorce.
Statistics show that 75% of divorces occur because one or both partners were not committed to the relationship. 60% of divorces happen because of infidelity and 58% of people getting a divorce say it’s because they argued a lot or had too much conflict in general. Other major issues cited for causing divorce were getting married too young, having financial woes, and substance abuse. You can read more about those statistics here: Revealing Divorce Statistics In 2023 – Forbes Advisor
Reading what other people have said about divorce might make you feel like you aren’t alone when you are going through a divorce, and it is true that there are other people who can support you. Friends and family can be great for support, but besides the emotional support you get from the people who you love, there is someone else who can help you to get through the awful process of getting divorced- a lawyer. They will walk you through the whole process of divorce including helping with finances, dividing property, and if you have children, getting custody arranged. How do you file and how much is a divorce going to cost?
How to File for Divorce
Filing for divorce is not as difficult to do as it is emotionally deciding to do it. Even if you feel confident that getting a divorce is the best choice, you may not have expected your marriage would have ended, and that is not easy to deal with. There are multiple options for ending a marriage and once it is decided how you will do the divorce, the next step is finding an attorney to help you. Even after that, there are a few things to keep in mind that will make the process of divorce as simple as possible.
How Much Does a Divorce Cost?
A divorce can cost from $100 to $400 to file in court, but attorney fees vary. Typically, newer attorneys charge about $100 per hour and more experienced ones can charge as much as $300 per hour. After all the fees from your attorney are totaled up, the divorce can end up costing you as much as $10,000, not including things you have to give up in a divorce like homes and possessions. Child support payments last until each child is 18 years of age, and alimony agreements cost money too. You might decide that a traditional divorce is too expensive, and you can do something different instead.
A dissolution is an uncontested divorce where both parties agree to everything and all is done in writing once, signed by both individuals, and the court grants the dissolution of marriage quickly. Divorces where the couple does not agree on everything can take a lot longer in court, and therefore cost a lot more because of the lawyer’s hourly fees. An uncontested divorce allows you and your spouse to pay significantly less lawyer fees if you decide to hire lawyers. Some couples do something called a DIY divorce, doing their own research, and avoiding lawyer fees altogether. In this case they will pay only the court filing fees. To decide what type of a divorce is best for you, read about several different options here: What Are All the Different Types of Divorce? | DivorceNet
Finding a Divorce Attorney
Finding a divorce attorney depends on your location. If you live in Dalton, Georgia in the US, for example, a quick online search turns up plenty of lawyers to choose from, and there are reviews listed for all of them. It is always wise to allow two separate attorneys to handle your divorce, however, most especially in contested divorce cases, to make sure that both parties are fairly represented. Your lawyer might just be a phone call away after a search on the internet, and you can set up a consultation when you call them. Just keep some things in mind when you are going through your divorce. Try to get along as much as possible and agree on as you can to keep the divorce process amicable and moving along quickly. Just don’t wait until you finalize the divorce to begin your new life. Start now!
Get Along
No matter how your spouse behaves and no matter why your marriage has ended, do your best to get along with everybody during the divorce. A divorce is stressful enough without fights or personal attacks, and the drama of fighting will add to the stress that is already there. If your soon-to-be ex tries to instigate you into a fight, step back and refuse to allow them to engage you. This does not mean you should not state facts when they are called for, it just means you will not dissolve into yelling, name calling, accusations, or other inflammatory behaviors. You have decided to break up for good, and if you keep a fight going, it will just make things take longer. Get along and get the divorce over with more quickly. Remember why you loved each other to begin with and read about spiritual love here: What is the Spiritual Meaning of Love? (spiritualblossom.com)
Agree on Everything
The fastest way to divorce is to have an uncontested divorce, meaning you agree on everything and neither of you try to delay the divorce for any reason. This does not mean you should agree to unfair demands. It just means to make sure that you, in no way, make unfair demands. One way to make it easier is to agree that you both get everything you had before you lived together, and another way is to give your soon-to-be ex things you know they love but you have no emotional connection to. The number one thing you are losing is your marriage, not the material possessions you shared. If you are both fair and considerate of one another in dividing things up in a divorce, it will make the divorce easier on both of you.
Start Your New Life Immediately
You might feel emptiness after you and your spouse are no longer together. You might also feel alone without them, but there is a way to combat these painful feelings. You can get out and do things that make you happy. We spend a lot of time on significant others because we put them first in our lives. Once a spouse is no longer with you, you have some extra time that you did not have before. Examples of exciting things to do after a divorce are:
-Go on a cruise
-Sign up for classes
-Travel to see family
-Do best friends’ trips
-Learn a new hobby
-Redecorate- hey all their stuff is gone, so you have room!
-Start a new workout program
-Adopt a pet
-Join a worship circle
-Plan for your future- what do YOU want?
-Start dating again when you are ready
Your life is in no way over after a divorce. A new part of your life is just beginning. After divorce, what comes next besides fun new things?
What Comes After Divorce?
After your divorce is over, you will settle into the reality that your marriage is legally over, although it was emotionally over when a divorce was decided upon. Part of you may always be hurt and disappointed that your marriage ended, and that is normal. You will always love your ex even though you are no longer together, and at first it might seem impossible to build a new life without them. Don’t believe for one second that you can’t do that. Once your marriage is over, your focus can become cutting the emotional ties that bind you together, healing emotionally, and then living the best life you can.
Cut The Cords
A cutting cords ritual can be done if you are having trouble moving past your divorce emotionally. You might be tempted to hate your ex, and blame them for all that went wrong in your marriage. Sometimes, one person really did things that wrecked their relationship, and being hurt and angry is completely normal and understandable. However, sinking into rage and focusing on how angry you are, or seeking revenge are things that will hold you back from healing. We form strong emotional connections with the people we love, and if your relationship is over, you are allowed to break the emotional ties that hold you to somebody who is gone.
A simple way to break the bonds is that every single time you so much as think of the past good times you had with your ex, immediately think of something that was wrong. Then tell yourself how much better off you are without them because of what was not right. This simple mental exercise is enough to make some people stop wishing they were still with their ex, and it dissolves the emotional connection they felt. Some people need more, though, and still believe that if certain things had happened, things would have worked out. They think of what “could have been” or what they believe “should have been” if only their ex had done things differently, but the reality is, those things they wished for never happened and they never will with their ex. For more ways to let go of somebody, read here: The Ultimate Guide on How to Let Someone Go
Heal Your Heart
Emotionally, divorce can be the most devastating thing that happens to you besides the death of someone who you are close to. Divorce is actually a sign of the death of a marriage, and the relationship was over before the divorce was final. While love is forever, some relationships are not. Most especially if you have to see your ex to co-parent, or if you live nearby one another, every encounter with them can be a painful reminder of how hurt you are. We can’t always control whether we see our ex or not, but we can control our reactions while we are healing emotionally.
There are different things you can do to help your emotions heal. You must first accept the fact that things are over, and then be compassionate with yourself no matter how long it takes to heal emotionally. Emotional healing takes time. One second, you might think you have moved on, and the next, something reminds you of the heartbreak, and you are emotionally crippled for a while. Allow yourself to hurt without judging yourself. Journaling your feelings might help, and talking to others who have gone through divorce can show you that you are not alone, and people understand and are supportive. Each person grieves divorce in their own way, and you will learn what comforts you. One thing you should start immediately is living the best life possible and enjoying everything you can.
Live Your Best Life
When you go through major life changes, this can make it impossible to do things the way you used to do them. That’s not always a bad thing, especially when the changes mean that a bad relationship is in your past. Now that you are divorced, you have a chance to have a better life, and it’s up to you to make that happen. The good news is, you can change your life and make it the way you want it to be. Spend your days doing the things that you want to do, and spend your time with the people who uplift and support you. Get started doing that right now, and don’t look back at your marriage. You have plenty of new experiences and loves awaiting you. Would your ex come back though? Read about being your best self here: How to Be Your Best Self
Does True Love Come Back?
Questions you might ask when you are going through divorce are “Does he think of me?” or “Is she coming back to me?” or “Does he know I love him?” and even, “Do men leave their wives and file for a divorce if they want to stay married? About 6% of couples who divorce get back together, so yes, it is possible that you will be one of those couples. If it becomes obvious, over time, that your wife or husband is not going to reconcile and return to the marriage, you will be left with no choice but to embrace being single and move on with a life without your spouse.
Thankfully, there really is life after divorce or any other life changing breakup and signing divorce papers does not need to be the end of your life. What it becomes is the beginning of a new life, and it can be one that is better than you ever imagined it could be. Just keep your chin up, even on the worst days, remembering that positive energy brings positive results. A divorce will change your whole life, opening you up to the possibility of new love, new experiences, and blissful happiness. You deserve it. Our psychics can give you support during your divorce, so get a reading started today: Online Psychic Readings
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for SpiritualBlossom, has written for Mysticsense, and she writes for PaganPages.Org emag and Green Egg Magazine.
