Self-sabotage is one of the top ways our lives can be compromised, but you don’t have to let it happen. Find out self-sabotage meaning, ways you may be sabotaging yourself, and easy ways to stop self-sabotage for good.
What is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is anything we do to hold ourselves back from accomplishing things, being happy, or just limiting ourselves mentally or emotionally. It can be conscious or unconscious. We may unconsciously tell ourselves something toxic a parent told us, internalizing their voice without being aware of it. We may also deliberately starve ourselves to try and impress someone with weight loss. Self-sabotage is something most people do at some point or another, and it never helps, but it hurts us.
It hurts us by holding us back from living up to our fullest potential. Self-sabotage doesn’t just hurt us- but it hurts the people who we love too. It can create conflicts in our relationships and can even cause breakups. Self-sabotage can affect your health in negative ways, and prey upon your mental health. It can keep us trapped in a mindset of being unworthy and keep us from trying to improve our lives. We never need other people to do bad things to us if we self-sabotage. We can be our own worst enemies!
Why Do We Self-Destruct?
We engage in self-destructive behaviors for different reasons. If you were raised in an abusive environment, it's only natural that you internalize the voice of your abuser and in turn abuse yourself. That is an ugly habit that has been learned and has to be unlearned. Some people were not abused but they have self-esteem issues for another reason, and they will self-sabotage because of that. Medical issues like depression or borderline personality disorder can make us self-sabotage also. Some people self-sabotage because they've had issues in relationships, and they've learned to abuse themselves because of that.
Some people have no medical issues, and no one has ever mistreated them but they self-sabotage anyways. Thrill seeking can cause us to do things unintentionally that harm ourselves. Addictions can cause us to overindulge and that can destroy us. Some people deliberately hold themselves back from success because they're afraid of the responsibility that comes with it. Some people self-sabotage because they are afraid of change and the unknown. Some people believe that they are not worthy of being happier so they self-sabotage. A relationship with a narcissist can cause you to self-sabotage and you can read about narcissists here; Loving a Narcissist
Signs of Self Sabotage
Some signs that you are self-sabotaging are obvious, but some signs are not as obvious. Procrastination and doubting yourself are some pretty obvious signs of self-sabotage. Over focusing on what other people say and do is a sign that's not so obvious, but it's still a sure sign of self-sabotage. Read on to find out more signs that you are sabotaging yourself and what to do about each one.
Procrastination
Sometimes you're tired and you need a break before you do something. That's OK sometimes. Sometimes, people will deliberately put something off because they are afraid of what would happen if they accomplish it. Putting in an application for your dream job might take 20 minutes or less. If you can't bring yourself to do it, ask yourself why. If you're afraid of succeeding, procrastination might make you feel more comfortable than applying. If you've been thinking about getting a diet started to improve your health, but you keep putting it off, that's self-sabotage. So go ahead and put in the job application or start the diet. Stop procrastinating.
Self-Doubt
We all question our own ability to do things sometimes, but if you doubt yourself constantly even after you've demonstrated time and time again that you can accomplish something, it's self-sabotage. It's natural to be anxious before we get something started, because we want to succeed instead of fail. If your self-doubts hold you back from even trying, use a simple positive affirmation to help you get over that obstacle. Take a moment to breathe deeply, and then look into your own eyes in the mirror. Say to yourself, “ I don’t know how well I can do, but I am going to go out there and do my best.” Then go do it. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. You can do more than you think you can, and following the way of the spiritual warrior will help you: The Art of Being a Spiritual Warrior
Embracing Abuse
Abuse victims sometimes find themselves trapped in a never ending cycle of abuse. They may break off relationships with abusers only to find themselves involved with yet another abuser. Embracing abuse is self-sabotage. You may be doing it unintentionally. When you catch yourself allowing abuse, take a step back and tell yourself “I deserve better.” Then step away from your abuser. Sometimes stepping away from an abuser is easy, and sometimes it takes more time. Take as long as you need, just reject the abuse.
Self-Neglect
Not taking care of your health is a sure sign of self-sabotage. Cheating on your diet on occasion is okay, but eating things that you know make you feel unwell on a regular basis destroys your body and sets you up for long term illness. Ignoring your body's need to get enough sleep or denying yourself an emotional break from things is self-sabotage. A way to avoid this is to remind yourself that if you don't take care of yourself properly you will not function as well. Your mental, emotional, and physical health matter. So don't neglect your needs. Self-care and self-love are important, and you can read about how to practice that here: Practicing Self Love
Creating Conflict
Conflict happens. It arises from our own natural instinct to protect ourselves and our own interests. However, finding ways to create conflict when everything is actually alright is a sign of self-sabotage. Some people need the excitement and adrenaline rush that comes with a conflict. Other people create conflict to push people away because they're afraid of being hurt. Creating unnecessary conflict can damage or end relationships and eat up a lot of your own time and emotional energy. If you feel yourself desiring to start some kind of drama when there's nothing wrong, take a break and step away from the situation. Revisit it after you've had a chance to think about it calmly. Then, step away from conflict if you can.
Tearing Yourself Down
Self-deprecating language is a sure sign of self-sabotage. ‘I can’t do anything right” or “I hate my hair” are things we say to ourselves that make it glaringly obvious we are sabotaging ourselves, but our words don’t always make it so clear. “I wish I wasn’t here” and “ I need to be more like other people” are other ways we say things to tear ourselves down. The words that you say to yourself create your mindset. If you say negative things to yourself, you think negative things, and you have a negative experience. The next time you want to say something negative to yourself, stop, and turn it around into something positive. For example if you dislike your hair, instead of saying” I hate my hair”, say to yourself, “I am going to get a new hairstyle that I like better than this one.” If you’re upset and want to speak from a dark place, reign in your emotions first. Find out how here: The Ten Best Ways to Control Emotions
Making Excuses
Excuses and procrastination can go hand in hand, but they are two different things. An excuse is not a reason. It is an artificial reason. If you have been meaning to set up your annual checkup to see how your health is, but you start finding other things to do like go get your hair done or binge watch your favorite shows instead, you're making excuses. If your so-called reason for not doing something is something that can be explained away it's an excuse. So, no excuses. Do what you need to do and don’t waste time. It's worth it.
Overfocus on Others
Worrying too much about other people's opinions is toxic and it's one of the ways that we sabotage ourselves. If you're worried about wearing your favorite lipstick out to dinner because your so-called friend will say she doesn't like it in front of the whole crowd, the only person holding you back from wearing your lipstick is you. If you are ashamed of yourself because your brother-in-law makes more money than you, but you're at the top of your earning potential at your employer, forget about how much money he makes. Focus should be and what you accomplish and on what you do. So wear the lipstick and when your so-called friend comments, flat out tell her nobody asked for her opinion. Never be afraid that someone else is better. You can learn to face fears here: Facing and Overcoming Fears
Rejecting Change
Change can be very difficult, but it is inevitable. The only way you can move in life is forward. We cannot live in the past or the future, only now. When the world changes or something in our lives changes, to live as if that change has not happened is self-sabotage. There will always be changes in life no matter what, so the sooner you can learn to adapt the better off you're going to be. When you know that you are going through a change that you don't like, take a moment and breathe in some peace. Then exhale whatever it is that's making you fear the change. Then tell yourself,” This isn’t going to be easy, but I am going to harmonize with my life. I can change.”
Not Pushing Yourself
One of the biggest mistakes and one of the most common ways that we sabotage ourselves is staying in our comfort zone when we should push ourselves to go farther. Some people say that success is just outside of our comfort zone, and sometimes it is. Reaching farther than we've reached before even though it's unfamiliar is important. You are such a capable individual, and you have skills and talents that you may not even realize you have. You will never know just how much you can accomplish unless you push yourself to try. You lead your best life when you are your best self and you can find out how to do that here: How to Be Your Best Self
How to Stop Self-Sabotage
Once you realize that self-sabotage is happening there are a few things that you can do to make it stop quickly. Positive thinking and giving yourself credit are two very simple ways to stop self-sabotage. If you can focus on learning instead of calling yourself a failure, you can break bad habits and learn new ones that will stop self-sabotage. One of the simplest and most important things that you can do to stop self-sabotage though is to set realistic attainable goals.
Think Positive
Positive thinking doesn't mean that you can have anything you want. It just means that you see possibilities. Most especially when times are tough, it's important to keep an open mind to what you can accomplish and what you can do instead of focusing on things that you think you can't do. Keeping a positive mindset will help you to have the courage to try instead of making you think that you'll automatically fail.
Give Yourself Credit
Anytime you're thinking of sabotaging yourself, think of all the good things that you have accomplished. Give yourself credit for the things that you're good at, the things that you have achieved, and how much progress you've made. Criticizing yourself and focusing on what you're not good at will emotionally tear you down and make you feel bad. So spend time focusing on the good things and it will help to keep you from sabotaging yourself.
Focus on Learning
Everyone makes mistakes, but each mistake you make is a learning experience in disguise. Each time you fall short of a goal, mess something up, or don't understand something, take it as a lesson in what you can do something better next time. Nobody is perfect, but we can all be perfect learners. So, turn mistakes into learning experiences.
Break Bad Habits
When you catch yourself engaging in bad habits, break the habit and replace it with a good habit. Good habits make you feel good about yourself, and they improve your life. Bad habits like not getting enough sleep, not eating right, or spending time with toxic people are all ways that we sabotage ourselves. Getting the proper amount of sleep, eating food that's good for us, and spending time with positive and uplifting people are things that you can do to improve your life instead of sabotaging it. You're worth it.
Set Realistic Goals
Goals that are impossible to reach will make us feel bad about ourselves and set us up for failure. You don't want that. So, when you're setting goals, it is important to think about what you want, but think about what your resources and abilities are and what's attainable. Bigger goals can and will be reached one step at a time with a series of smaller goals. You will live the life you want, and you will attain your goals. Just take practical steps to reach them.
Self-sabotage can creep in when you least expect it, but you don’t have to let it control you. Some people self-sabotage because they have been sabotaged in relationships and other people do it because they are not being mindful. It’s easy to redirect yourself if you discover you are self-sabotaging by doing things like keeping a positive mindset and setting attainable goals. You can go from self-sabotage to thriving by making the decision to. Love yourself. Support yourself. You’re worth it.
If you need emotional support while you are focusing on learning to end self-sabotage, reach out to one of our psychics any time any day. We’re always here for you.
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for The Green Egg Magazine and PaganPages.Org emag.
