Find out how to spot a frenemy and what to do about them.
There may be people in your friend’s circle who speak against you, conspire to take your boyfriend from you, or do things to tear you down. At first, they might be undetectable, but over time, they drop hints you can pick up on. With friends like these who needs enemies? You don’t have to go down in flames because your “best enemy” is secretly plotting your demise. Join SpiritualBlossom to learn about frenemies. Find out how to spot them, and exactly what to do about them before they cause damage.
What is a Frenemy?
A frenemy is someone who is supposed to be your friend, but they are just pretending to be. They are an enemy. It would make sense to terminate the relationship, but for some reason, your frenemy maintains it. Frenemies keep their feelings hidden from you and other people. They might go out of their way to prove love for you, but over time, you will start to question their loyalty. If you are lucky, your frenemy just dislikes you, but sometimes, things get ugly. Frenemies can cause more harm than people who express the fact they are your enemy because frenemies are close to you, and you trust them. Frenemies can be dangerous, and they can cause a lot of harm. One Zodiac Sign that will not feel guilty for striking if they feel wronged is Scorpio and you can read about them here: Scorpio Traits and Love Compatibility
What Motivates Frenemies?
Frenemies have some sort of motivation to call themselves your friend, but they really are not a friend. People have different reasons for being frenemies. Some people belong to a friend’s circle you belong to and they just don’t like you, but you tolerate each other for the sake of the group. Some people can’t be nice if they don’t like somebody and they act out in the friend’s group. Some people have personal problems which manifest as antisocial behaviors and they are nasty to you. Some people actually think they are being a friend to you, but they mistreat you, and they actually are not a true friend. Some people who hate you pretend to be your friend so they can get close to you and hurt you. One Zodiac Sign that probably won’t pretend to be a friend but will be honest if they don’t like you is Virgo and you can read about them here: Virgo Traits and Love Compatibility
Signs You Have a Frenemy
Frenemies might try to keep their feelings hidden, but over time, certain things will come out in the open. If they constantly bash other people behind their back, they are a frenemy. Passive aggression, being critical, competing with you, not being happy for you, and being selfish are some of the signs of frenemies.
They Bash Other People
The first sign you have a frenemy is if they are always speaking against other people they are friends with. If it makes you feel like a special friend they are confiding in, think again. Chances are if they speak against everybody who is not present, when you are not in the room, they are bashing you too. Everybody has frustrations and needs advice in relationships sometimes, but if they can’t speak about a conflict without talking against people, they are not a true friend, and you will get a turn being the subject of one of their bashing soon if you haven’t already. These conversations can make you uncomfortable and here is what to do about that: What Should I Do if I Am Uncomfortable?
Passive Aggression
Passive aggression is thinly veiled hostility that is communicated indirectly. Comments like “I can see you have finally lost all that weight. You look great for a change,” or ‘Oh I love your new hair color. It’s not mouse brown anymore,” might be hidden as a compliment, but it’s a way to attack. A frenemy who is trying to hide their hostility for you will want to say or do mean things, but they don’t want to be held accountable for it. So, they pretend to give “compliments” like the example above. This allows them to indulge themselves in mistreating you, but they can pretend they were not being aggressive.
They Pick at You
A sign that someone is a frenemy is that they can’t resist criticizing you. If you are at the top of your graduating class, frenemies criticizing you may remind you that you got a 99 on your last test instead of a 100 or if you got a 100, they will say you failed to get extra credit. If confronted, they may pretend they meant their cutting comments to be helpful because they want you to improve. If you pay attention, everybody is critical. Friends know how to keep unnecessary and unhelpful comments about the people they care about to themselves, however. A frenemy may cut you down both in private and in public to try and humiliate you as often as possible. If you think being unnecessarily critical of a Libra is a good idea, you should think again. Read more about Libras here: Libra Traits and Love Compatibility
The Aren’t Happy for You
Frenemies are not happy when you have wins or accomplishments because they don’t want you to succeed. They want to see you fail. They may actually be jealous of you. It’s not that they look up to you as a role model and want to emulate your example. They don’t want you to be happy and they want to take what you have earned away from you. If you saved money for years and can finally buy your own house, and they find a way to complain that if you were their REAL friend, you would not rub it in their face because they can’t buy a house yet- it’s a red flag you’ve got a frenemy. Friends want us to succeed, and they are proud of us when we accomplish things. Frenemies are not.
They Compete with You
A classic case of frenemy competition was between two ladies. M was the younger one and she competed with her older friend L all their lives. M wanted to steal every boyfriend L ever had and was mad when L got into the school choir. M told everybody she sang better than L. She wore L’s clothes and told people they looked better on her than L. When L had a baby, M made sure to get pregnant right away and have a baby herself. Then M always bragged her child was better than L’s child. She even tried to date L’s ex husband at one point. M never stopped trying to outdo L. If you have a so-called friend like M, they are a frenemy. Friends don’t compete. They are supportive and they cheer you on. If you want support, turn to a Taurus. They will love and support you: Taurus Zodiac Traits and Love Compatibility
They Are Selfish
Friends are there when you need them, and they reach out just to spend time with you. They make time for you, even if it is inconvenient or they have to cancel something else. Frenemies are just there when it is convenient for them and for what they can get from you. If they are only around when they want something or they always “forget” you have plans, they are not a friend. If they make you pay for dinner or trips every time, and they could afford to pay, they are not a friend. If they only hang out with you when they have nobody else to hang out with, that’s not being a friend. Friends are not selfish with you. They care about you and want to be a part of your life. If a so-called friend demonstrates they don’t, they are a frenemy.
How to Stop Frenemies
There are a few ways to handle frenemies. Of course, you can always dump a fake friend, but you might decide to keep them around. You can tolerate the behavior and ignore what they do to keep the peace if you want. You can also confront them. You can set boundaries and enforce them. You can also have a little fun and beat a frenemy at their own game.
Put Up with Them
You can simply ignore the behavior of frenemies and tolerate them. Some things are small and not worth acknowledging. Simply being aware of bad behavior might be enough to keep it from causing problems. Some people have bad habits everybody is aware of, but the friend’s group puts up with them because they do more good than harm. If you want to, just remain aware that you have a frenemy and allow them to stick around. You might decide to protect your energy around people who behave badly and you can read about how to do that here: Protecting Your Spiritual Energy
Confront Them
Confrontation may be enough to stop a frenemy’s bad behavior. A lot of frenemies operate undercover, and when they know they have been caught, sometimes they behave themselves, or disappear completely. In the rare case a frenemy caught in the act goes out of their way to act innocent, don’t worry. Lies have ways of showing themselves in time. Your frenemy hasn’t just been a secret enemy to you, and they will treat others the same way. Their days of hiding their dishonesty are numbered. In the meantime, when you confront a frenemy, make sure you want to, and then have evidence to show they you know they are guilty. Then, say what you want to them.
Be Sure
Make sure you want to confront your frenemy. If you are part of a larger friend’s group, or even a family, know that speaking up might rock the boat. If your frenemy is hard core toxic, they may make a huge fight out of things, and drag other people into the middle of it all. They may get other people to take sides against you. Just be prepared that things might get ugly before they get better when you confront a frenemy. Don’t let fears keep you from speaking up. Learn to face your fears here:Facing and Overcoming Fears
Have Evidence
If you are going to confront your frenemy for their behavior, have evidence on hand to prove to them they have been caught. If they have been bashing you behind your back to a mutual friend, it is perfectly alright to sit down and talk with your frenemy and the person they spoke against you to. If texts or emails were forwarded to you that your frenemy made against you, print them out, and put them in your frenemy’s hand. They can’t deny the facts when they are looking at proof of them, after all.
Have Your Say
When you confront your frenemy, you have the right to tell them how you feel. A frenemy who has been caught might leave and never be heard from again. It might be a good idea to take some time before talking to them to decide what you want to say or you can write them a letter. So, go ahead and get it off your chest how you feel about what they have done. They deserve an earful.
Set Boundaries
Not everybody wants to cut off a frenemy. If you want to keep a frenemy in your life, it is your right, but you can still set boundaries. A heart-to-heart conversation about what is wrong can lead to an immediate solution. If your frenemy decides they want to be around, they might immediately behave better when you call them out. They might not. If they keep doing nasty things to you, immediately turn to them the second they do it and tell them to stop. Do it even if it is in front of people, and even if they deny being nasty. Set boundaries and enforce them. Read about what to do if you are in a one-sided relationship here: What to Do About Relationships That are One-Sided
Beat Them at Their Game
Frenemies have the right to say and do what they want, but there can be consequences. If they are always being petty, you can be even more petty than they are, and it might make them stop when they realize you won’t let them get by with it. If you have a friend who is always calling your shoes “Granny shoes” and laughing about them with other people, look them in the eye and say, “ It would not hurt you to comb your hair once in a while when we go out instead of complaining about my shoes.” If they know they can’t cut you down, they might stop trying to do it.
Cut Them Off
Some people are just not worth putting up with, and they have to go. Breaking off a friendship, even if it’s not a great one, is still difficult. However, when you have done all you can to try and keep toxic behaviors from interfering with your life, and your toxic frenemy persists, you might be left with no choice but to break things off. You would not be the first person to dump a fake friend. You can read how to let go of someone here: The Ultimate Guide on How to Let Someone Go
It might not make sense for a frenemy to be slithering around you, but sometimes, they are there. They may lie in wait, content to be silent until their perfect chance to strike, but you don’t have to be a victim to their poison. They can be spotted, stopped, and they can even be cut off. May all your friends be true, your loves be deep, and may any world be frenemies be contained and sent away. So Be It.
Reach out to get a reading to see how you can deal with frenemies here: Online Psychic Readings
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for The Green Egg Magazine and PaganPages.Org emag.
