Not everybody has a supportive family, and sometimes dysfunctional family issues make you pull your hair out. How do you know whether they are worth keeping in your life or if you have to walk away from them to maintain your sanity?
To some people, family love is everything, and to other people, family is constant stress. Not all families are healthy or supportive, and some people’s families are downright abusive. Then again, not every family is abusive, but there are problems that have to be solved. Join SpiritualBlossom as we explore the ups and downs of family. Find out the positives of being close with family, and some issues family can cause. Then discover how to survive the unthinkable- family breakups.
The Positives of Family
A healthy family will make your life great- better than great, actually. There is no limit to the benefits of a good family. They will support you emotionally and physically. They will spend time with you. They will build a life with you, sharing memories, and teaching you about your family members who came before you.
Family Support
Who takes care of you when you are a baby? If not your parents, often it is someone else in the family. Who gives you a place to stay after breaking up with your significant other? If you are lucky, it is your family. Who encourages you to try out for the teams at school and audition for the local theater’s play? Family. Who helps you when your electricity goes out, your car breaks down, or you need help paying bills? Family does. Through daily difficulties and daily victories, beginning at birth, family is there with you every step of the way. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings share life with you and help you through everything. Read about the spiritual meaning of love here: What is the Spiritual Meaning of Love?
Family Togetherness
Holidays are well spent in the company of family for get togethers, dinners, and parties. They come to your birthday celebrations, your graduation party, and they just might be there to take photos when you head off to study at a university. When you suffer a breakup, they will be by your side, helping you emotionally heal, and they will be there for you when a pet gets sick. If you live out of town or in another state or country from family, you will find yourself planning as many trips as possible to go and visit them, and they will come to visit you when they can. Spending plenty of time with family might be your top priority, especially if they make you a priority.
Family History
As the years go by, you and your family will make memories together. You will remember things like baking with family when you were a kid and when you grow up, you might share the same recipe with your kids, nephews, nieces, cousins, or even your own grandchildren someday. Your family members become a big part of your life and they influence your beliefs, behaviors, and your future. You will in turn influence your family as well. Each family member who helped raise you helped to teach you a lot of what you know, and they share traditions with you that you will share through all the years and seasons of your life. Read about the magic of the seasons here: Magic with the Seasons
Family Issues
Unfortunately, not everybody has a great family. Even if you do, you might have some family members who do some not-so-great things. These people might make you wonder if family is a bad word, and you might wonder why we have families at all. Things go wrong sometimes. Abuse, fights, absent parents, issues with your step kids or stepparents and battles with in laws can make you want to leave and never go back.
Family issues can cause long-term problems. Fear of abandonment can make us afraid of relationships. Being abused as a child can cause substance abuse issues, mental health problems like anxiety and depression, and an inability to form healthy relationships. Families that are stable and emotionally supportive foster wellbeing and help people to have stronger relationships, higher self-esteem, and reduce the risk of mental health issues. Not having that hurts. Not being cared for by family can take a toll on your physical health as well. Even as adults, if we survive a bad family life, we can struggle with all these things.
Abuse
Abuse is not uncommon, and unfortunately, family is a place where it is allowed sometimes. In the United States alone, more than 600,000 children are abused each year. 77% of child abuse happens at the hands of the parent of the abused child. Other family members besides parents like older siblings, uncles or aunts, and grandparents are responsible for child abuse sometimes too. Abuse doesn’t always stop just because you grow up. The World Health Organization estimates that over 320 million elders will suffer abuse by 2050 and about 60% of abusers of elders are a member of their family. Read more about child abuse here: National Statistics on Child Abuse - National Children's Alliance (nationalchildrensalliance.org)
Sibling Fights
Having spats with a brother or sister when you are kids is not unusual, and a lot of people will laugh about petty fights they had growing up together. Sometimes, though, fights with siblings turn toxic and can worsen into adulthood. You might dread seeing your sibling who cheated with your ex at family gatherings, or a sibling who bashes your religion or sexual orientation might make family get togethers unbearable. They may battle you over your elderly parent’s assets and may be absent in caring for family members, but demand money or inheritances anyways. Protecting yourself emotionally when you are stuck being around them is crucial. Learn about protecting your spiritual energies here: Protecting Your Spiritual Energy
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
Sometimes, parents are not the ones who raise kids. Substance abuse, neglecting responsibility, or just being called away from a job can take parents from their kids. Thank goodness some grandparents can step in and help. It’s not easy though. Retirement limits financial resources, and this can put a strain on elderly grandparents trying to take care of their grandkids. If custody of the kids was taken from the parents and awarded to the grandparents, it can cause resentment. Years down the road, the children might confront their parents for not taking care of them. Read our ultimate guide to manifesting love here: How to Manifest Love
Blended Family Issues
When you get together with someone who has kids from a previous relationship, it can cause some resentment. The kids might not appreciate someone else coming in where their other parent was and occupying that place is their life. If their other parent is still in the picture, they kids might assume you are trying to replace them, and if the other parent abandoned them, the kids might be afraid of getting close to someone else they fear might abandon them as well. Being in a blended family can be really rough at first, as you struggle to build a new family and a new life together, but with time and patience it can be done. So don’t give up. Pretty soon your step kids or stepparent might be your new favorite family member.
In Law Disputes
Some parents don’t like giving up their grown-up baby boy or girl to some man or woman, and they go out of their way to show that. Some new significant others don’t like sharing their husband or wife with family. Some new grandparents overstep their boundaries and try to micromanage how their son or daughter and spouse raise the grandkids. All of these things can cause fights, falling outs, and resentment. It can also cause problems between couples when in-laws don’t respect boundaries. In laws can be unbearable to be around, and make themselves an absolute nuisance their loved ones avoid. It does not have to be that way though. If in-laws can share the love of their family member, it just means they get new family to love! Read about a creature that symbolizes peace, the dove, here: Dove Spiritual Meaning, Lore, and Symbolism
How Common Are Family Breakups?
Family in general has changed dramatically in modern times. Only 1/3 of kids are parented by a married couple and about one in four people are estranged from at least one family member. Baby Boomers started the trend of moving away from family to live and work and Millennials are continuing this trend. Many live in a loosely organized family with connections that may not be clearly defined. People are in touch with some family members, but do not even speak to others. Breakups are fairly common, so if it happens to you, don’t feel bad. Read more about the statistics here: Why So Many Families Are Living With Estrangement | Psychology Today
Why Does It Happen?
It all happens for a lot of different reasons. There is less tolerance for abuse in modern times, so people won’t necessarily tolerate being around family if they are abused. The cost of living has increased, and this sometimes forces people to move away from family for jobs. Birth rates have also dropped since having children is so expensive. The focus of relationships is no longer to get married and start a family and people stay together because they want to, not because they are expected to. Not staying in romantic relationships out of a sense of duty means people also don’t maintain relationships with family members if they don’t want to. Some say this has caused the sanctity of families to decline, but others say it has caused victims to be empowered to leave toxic families.
Surviving Family Breakups
If there are issues that can’t be worked through, you are not alone. In 1997 it was found that about 27 percent of people cut ties with their father at some point. Cutting off siblings, aunts or uncles, grandparents, cousins, and in-laws happens too. How can you survive when a falling out with family happens? First, talk it out, because there may be others in the family having the same problem. Get the support you need and make peace with the fact you had to step away for your own wellbeing. Read about cutting off family here: Why Adult Children Are Cutting Off Their Parents More Than Ever - Newsweek
Communicate
A family falling out doesn’t have to be forever. Talking about what happened to make you want to leave can help clear up problems and fix them. Maybe your brother hurt you and he didn’t know it. Maybe your father’s absence from your life to cultivate his career hit you harder than he realized, and he needs to understand what he did. Taking a step away from a family member or your entire family to heal emotionally is understandable, but maybe you won’t have to be gone forever. Sometimes, people make mistakes- even horrible ones- and then they change. If there is even a slight chance you can communicate your feelings to family and it will help resolve issues, give it a chance. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain because you might get your family back.
Get Support
Sometimes, family won’t change. They are toxic and nothing will make them not be. Your mental health is worth more than people like that. It is a terrible, isolating feeling to be estranged from family, but when maintaining a relationship with them drives you crazy, believe it or not, some people understand. Chances are, you are not the only family member who has an issue with things that are happening. Talk to your family and find out who else is struggling. You may be able to support one another emotionally. Sometimes, families enable one another and band together to revolt against the family member who calls out the toxic behavior. If this happens, you can lean on your friends for support. Reach out for support because more people than you realize understand and you don’t have to deal with it alone. Read about how to let go of someone here: The Ultimate Guide on How to Let Someone Go
Make Peace
Peace is important. If you can’t get it from your family by resolving issues, you can get it elsewhere. Sometimes realizing the toxic behavior comes from a toxic person is all you need to have peace. Other times, telling your toxic family off before you leave is what gives you peace. Other times, ignoring the behavior is all you need for peace of mind. Find out what it is you need to do to find peace in your life. Not every family member cares about their family, and if you have an uncaring family member, it is up to you to care about yourself enough to treat yourself better than they do.
We get to choose our friends, but we don’t get to decide who our family is. Every single family has problems, and thankfully, a lot of problems can be worked out. When you can’t work out problems and you have to walk away from certain family members or the whole family so you can have a healthy life, it hurts. When you need the love and support of people, you might find it outside of the family. Only you can decide if it is worth it to tough out family problems or if you need to leave. May you and your family share love and peace and if they won’t, may you find peace of mind without them. So Be It.
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About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for The Green Egg Magazine and PaganPages.Org emag.
