Find out why toxic positivity holds you back from emotional healing and why it’s ok to cry and experience emotions like despair, anger, and worry.
When was the last time your heart broke in two or you were very sick? How did the people around you react? Did they tell you to cheer up and stop being “so negative?” If something like this has happened, you were the victim of toxic positivity. Toxic positivity denies the truth, and it’s actually very negative. Join SpiritualBlossom to explore toxic positivity in multiple forms. Find out what it is, why it’s different from positive affirmations, and why it’s bad. Find out what to do if you catch yourself engaging in it and how to respond when somebody else is doing it.
What Are Negative Feelings?
Truthfully, no feelings are really negative ones, but there are some feelings we don’t enjoy. Anger, fear, distress, despondency, and frustration are a few of those undesirable emotions we would all prefer to never experience, but sometimes we do. If you're not careful, these upsetting feelings can completely swallow you. That's part of the reason why people who engage in toxic negativity try to deny those feelings. Denying the feelings won't make them go away, however. The trick is to examine the feelings and to really think about why you're having them.
It is perfectly normal to get very angry when you find out your significant other cheated on you with your best friend. It is normal to be worried about your finances when you lose your job. It is normal to be afraid when you lose your independence because of an illness. Pretending that you don't have these feelings isn't going to make them go away. That's going to take away your ability to deal with them. So next time a painful feeling arises, instead of denying it because you think it's negative, allow yourself to experience it. When distressing emotions arise, you can still deal with them. Find out how here: The Ten Best Ways to Control Emotions
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is a form of denial people use to shield themselves from what is really happening. They pretend things are not as bad as they really are, and instead focus on things they prefer to. This allows them to avoid addressing problems and allows them to avoid being there for their loved ones. People don’t just do this to loved ones, but they do it to themselves sometimes too. A few ways this can happen are victim shaming, ignoring medical issues, and invalidating hurt feelings.
Victim Shaming
Victim shaming means blaming someone who is suffering for what's happening to them. It is true that sometimes we make bad decisions and there are consequences for that. However, sometimes bad things happen and it's not your fault. Having an allergic reaction isn't something that you chose. Being diagnosed with a terminal illness is not something that you chose. Being dumped by someone isn't always something that you saw coming. Toxic positive people victim shame because it makes them feel like if people are always to blame for their own suffering, suffering can always be avoided. It makes them feel like they can control things and never suffer. Being victim shamed can make you uncomfortable, and here is what to do about it: What Should I Do if I Am Uncomfortable?
Ignoring Health Problems
Over explaining symptoms like chest cramps as simply pulled muscles instead of getting your cardiovascular health checked isn't positive. It's negative. If nearly everybody in your family had cardiovascular problems by the time they were your age, if you don't get those chest pains checked out, you're not thinking positively. You're avoiding reality. Telling other people who are sick to think positively and not “dwell on things” is not only uncompassionate. It's also dangerous. If you give that sort of advice to people, they might shun medical treatment and it could be fatal. It's not worth it.
Pretending Hurt Emotions Don’t Exist
Refusing to allow yourself to be controlled by your emotions is one thing. Refusing to accept the fact that your feelings are hurt is quite another. Toxic positive people sometimes deny their own feelings. If your best friend has been hurting your feelings, but you focus only on the positive, you can learn to resent your friend if you don't deal with what's happening. Your feelings are very important and a big part of who you are. Your emotional well-being needs just as much attention as your physical and spiritual well-being does. So don't pretend that your feelings don't exist. It can be scary to face hurt emotions, but facing fears can be done. Find out ways to do that here: Facing and Overcoming Fears
Toxic Positivity vs Positive Affirmations
Isn't this so-called “toxic positivity” thing just another word for positive affirmations? Actually, it's not. Positive affirmations focus on the way that things really are and give you the moral support to problem solve, stay hopeful, and keep trying when times are tough. Toxic positivity denies the way that things are and that keeps you from focusing on solutions. An example of toxic positivity would be to tell yourself that everything happens for a positive reason when your neighbor's cat dies. A positive affirmation in this situation would be “ My neighbor took very good care of her cat, and the cat was very lucky to have such a loving owner. I know she is heartbroken that her cat died, so I'm going to take my cat next door to visit her to make her feel better.” Read about black cats and their magic here: The Magic and Superstitions of Black Cats
Why Toxic Positivity Hurts
What happens when you ignore your emotions? Ignoring your emotions means that you're not going to deal with them. You might think that will make them go away, but it won't. It will make your emotions stay the way that they are and you won't heal from them. To heal your feelings you have to face them. Sometimes to face those hurt feelings, you need to have a conversation with someone. Sometimes you need to meditate and think about your emotions to discover how you feel that way and once you do you feel better. Sometimes journaling and prayer makes you heal from those feelings. Denying yourself the experience of your own feelings only hurts you.
Toxic positivity hurts other people too. If your friend is dealing with a chronic illness, telling them that it's all mind over matter and positive thinking will make it go away will hurt their feelings and it could compromise your relationship with them. They are already dealing with illness. They don't need to deal with losing a friendship too. Telling your friend who is going through a divorce to get over it because it was a terrible marriage anyways will make them feel more isolated than they already feel. Telling someone who failed a school program that was very important to them that it was all their fault, and they should have studied harder can make them too ashamed to ask their teacher how they can make up for their bad grade.
Toxic positivity might be considered a solution, but it's not. It avoids finding solutions. All of us go through difficult times. We have to deal with those things even if we can't change what's happening. Toxic positivity isn't being hopeful, it's giving up hope because you're denying problems. Your emotions will stay hurt. Your problems will continue and create problems in your relationships. It’s not worth it.
Why Does It Happen?
Web MD says, “Toxic positivity oversimplifies a complicated situation and tries to put an endlessly sunny spin on it, regardless of reality.” But why do people do that? People engage in toxic positivity because they are afraid of what is happening. They are afraid if they admit that things are bad, they won’t be able to handle it emotionally. So, they deny how bad things are. They will pretend that they can think themselves out of an illness, or that they aren’t broke when they actually are. Pretending that everything is fine is a lot easier than actually dealing with things. It is far better to follow doctor’s orders and recover from their illness or come up with a plan to improve their finances than to behave as if they don’t need to. Read more from Web MD here: Toxic Positivity: When ‘Good Vibes Only’ Goes Too Far (webmd.com)
How to Beat Toxic Positivity
We have established that toxic positivity isn't positive. It's toxic, and that is negative. So, what can you do about it? What can you do when other people throw toxic positivity at you? What can you do to redirect your own toxic positivity?
Responding to Others
Other people's toxic positivity can hurt more than whatever problem you're going through. Especially when it's a friend or a family member who you love, when their behavior is toxic, it can be very difficult to respond to. You don't have to let that behavior come between you though. You can either ignore it or flat out tell them to stop it. It might take more than that though. Sitting down and having a heart-to-heart conversation might be all it takes to make the behavior stop.
Say No
When your best friend tells you to think yourself out of your depression instead of taking the medication that helps you, tell them that those comments are not welcome. When your co-worker tells you to quiet quit instead of working for your promotion you can tell them that you don't want to hear it. When your neighbor who won't clean up after their dog tries to convince you that they are helping to fertilize the lawn, tell them they have to clean it up or you'll report them. The most magical word you can use sometimes is the word “no”. Sometimes it's all you need to stop a behavior. Learn about protective magic here: Magic for Self-Defense
Ignore Them
It's always an option to just ignore toxic positivity. Sometimes if you ignore people, they really will stop behaving in a particular way. It all depends on the person, and it all depends on how you feel about it. You don't have to speak up and say anything to them unless you want to. Just make sure that if you're going to ignore what people say to you, that you also don't internalize their toxic words.
Talk It Out
Having a conversation with someone who you care about when they are behaving in toxic ways is very important. Explaining to them why what they're saying is unacceptable, how it makes you feel, and emotionally what you need from them instead can bring you closer together. Sometimes people mean well, and they don't understand that they're in the wrong. Sometimes it takes the words of someone who they love and trust to reveal the truth to them. Read about manifesting love here: How to Manifest Love
Redirecting Yourself
Sometimes you're the one who's engaging in toxic positivity because it's just so difficult to deal with things. It's understandable that you could feel overwhelmed by something that's happening to you and it can feel easier to deny what's actually going on. When you catch yourself engaging in toxic positivity, take a break, allow yourself to experience your feelings, and give yourself a little bit of love.
Take a Break
When you're going through a tough time, sometimes you just need a break. Ask yourself what it would take for you to rejuvenate yourself enough to get up and take care of whatever problems are going on. Then do it. If you need a vacation, take it. If you need a nap, take it. If you need to step away temporarily, do it. Breaks give us the rest that we need to gather up our strength to finish whatever we started. Allow yourself that break.
Allow Yourself to Experience Feelings
Toxic positivity is used to help us to deny our feelings. Don't do that. You're not wrong to feel the way that you feel, just pay attention to how you react. If you need to, talk to somebody. If you don't want to talk to somebody, talk to yourself. Don't pretend that your divorce didn't make you angry. Join a kickboxing class if you need to work out the anger. Don't pretend that being picked over for your dream job didn't hurt your feelings. Have a good cry, and keep applying for more jobs. Ignoring your feelings will not make them go away. It will just make them hurt longer.
Love Yourself
The number one most important thing to do when you are dealing with toxic positivity is to give yourself some love. Whatever you're going through hurts. Not everybody is going to validate the way that you feel, because not everybody understands. You have to validate yourself. Even if everybody you know is completely supportive, if you're not supportive of yourself, you're being toxic. Self-love is the most important thing when you're dealing with something difficult. Find out how to do that here: Practicing Self Love
All emotions are valid, not just the ones considered “positive” ones. If you think about it, all emotions are positive because they show you how you are feeling, and they all help you to deal with what happens. Some people insist that if they ignore suffering, it won’t affect them, but in reality, ignoring it means it takes longer to heal. Embrace your emotions, all of them, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sitting with your emotions means you fully experience them, and then you can heal. You deserve it!
Would you like to speak with a psychic advisor about how to beat toxic positivity and embrace all of your emotions? Reach out any day and any time: Online Psychic Readings. Make sure to check out our dream meaning guide to find out the meanings of dreams: A-Z Dream Meanings Glossary
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for The Green Egg Magazine and PaganPages.Org emag.
