Learn how to be assertive, what assertiveness is and isn’t, and how you can be assertive without making the mistake of being overly aggressive.
Assertive people seem to get anything they want sometimes, don’t they? Wouldn’t it be nice if even the shyest of people could learn to be assertive? Guess what? They can! Assertiveness can be scary at first, but once you get used to speaking your truth, it gets easier, and the right people will respond to it. Join SpiritualBlossom to learn all about becoming assertive and how assertiveness is different from being aggressive. Find out why some people find being assertive difficult and the benefits of being assertive. Finally, learn some great tips to become more assertive. No matter how shy you may be, you can become assertive, and have your voice heard!
What is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is defined as a communication style that respects other people but effectively communicates your own needs, wants, boundaries, and positions. If you are assertive there is no question of how you feel about something. Assertive people defend their views, state their goals honestly, and communicate high levels of confidence. If needed, assertive people will stand up for themselves, defending themselves against unfair criticism and attacks. Assertive people are known as being good at conflict resolution because they're not afraid to make points and be fair. They also won't let anybody compromise them.
They display self-confidence, and the belief that who they are and the way that they feel matters. They can deal with obstacles and constructive criticism, and if somebody is unfairly critical, they will shut that down. They expect respect, but they also give it. They will look you in the eye and directly state something as opposed to being passive aggressive. They will also be very good at listening to what people say in response to them, because they believe that other people's words matter as much as theirs. Assertive people unify well with others and you can learn why group unity matters here: Teamwork: The Power of Strength in Numbers
Assertiveness vs Aggression
Some people assume that assertiveness is the same thing as being overly aggressive, but it's not. Being overly aggressive means that you push your will onto other people unfairly. Assertiveness means you believe that your will matters as much as everybody else's because it does. Everybody matters. Assertive people speak up about the truth, but aggressive people think only of themselves. Being selfish is different from understanding that you matter as much as other people.
Aggressive people will unfairly impose themselves upon other people. They will be harsh, put themselves first instead of waiting their turn, and be manipulative. Assertive people will be persuasive, because when they understand the best way to make things happen, they will want to involve other people in making those good things happen. When you know the best way to do things, you will understand that it will need to involve other people, and the best way benefits everyone. An easy way to tell if someone is being aggressive instead of assertive is that they are being self-centered and only doing things to benefit themselves. Involving your friends on how to do things well is very important, and you can read all about the love of friends here: All About the Love of Friends
Why is Assertiveness Difficult?
Being assertive isn't difficult for everybody, but it is difficult for some people. There are different reasons for that. Some people were mistreated when they were growing up and they were taught that their needs didn't matter. They were taught to silence their own voice and live only to serve other people. So, when it comes time for them to speak up for themselves, they just can't because they don't know how. They might believe that their feelings matter, but they've not been taught the skills to express it. Unlearning the ugly things learned during mistreatment takes a long time.
Some people are just naturally shy. For some reason, they don't want to draw attention to themselves, and speaking up makes them feel very uncomfortable because of that. Some people are shy because of their personalities, having been born that way. Other people learned to be shy. Maybe they were in the shadow of a domineering parent or sibling, or maybe their culture taught them to be shy. No matter how difficult assertiveness may seem, you can learn to be assertive. One thing you can learn is how to make your dreams come true, and you can find out how here: How to Make All Your Dreams Come True
Why Be Assertive?
So, why is assertiveness even important? Let's be fair. Not everyone can anticipate what's on our minds or what our needs are. If you state these things, people will know. Then, it gives them the opportunity to act in your favor. So, assertiveness doesn't just benefit you. It benefits other people too.
To Be Heard
Some people are very private. They don't care if people understand what's on their mind. Most people do care though. If you don't speak up, people aren't going to know what you're thinking. If you want people to understand, you have to explain it to them. So, speak up, and explain things so that people will understand. One thing you may be seeking to understand is if psychics are legitimate, and you can find out here: Are Psychics Real?
To Get Fair Treatment
People stop paying attention to things sometimes. They may forget how to treat you fairly, so speak up. Some people say that fair treatment is just common sense, but other people say that common sense is not so common. So, you're going to have to speak up to make sure that you're treated fairly. If somebody disregards your rights and feelings, tell them not to do it. If you were there first and someone tries to cut in front of you in line, speak up and say so. It's difficult for people to disregard you if you tell them not to, so be assertive and take up for yourself. One Zodiac sign that believes in fairness and justice is Libra, and you can read about them here: Libra Traits and Love Compatibility
To Have Your Needs Met
Some people are very good at anticipating needs, but not everybody is. So, you are going to have to help them out sometimes. Explain what you need and how they can help you meet those needs. It would be nice if we could do everything for ourselves, but we can't. So, if you have dietary restrictions, express that at the restaurant. If you have an allergy, let your doctor know. If the neighbor's noise is bothering you, tell them. Give people the information they need to help you, and things will be better for everybody. Practicing self-love helps you to make your needs known, and you can learn how here: Practicing Self Love
Tips to Be More Assertive
So, we know that assertiveness is important, and we know what it is now. We also know that it's different than being overly aggressive. What are some ways that you can be more assertive? It's easier than you might think. Small things like understanding yourself and having a little faith in other people make assertiveness easier. Other things like explaining as much as you need to and sticking to the facts help also.
Know Yourself
The way that you assert yourself will be different than how somebody else asserts themselves. Some people don't like to deal directly with people, but would rather send a text or an e-mail. That's also very smart in business because it allows a paper trail so administration understands what's happening. Other people prefer to have one-on-one conversations. Think about the way that makes you most comfortable with communicating and the way that you communicate best. Use that when you're asserting yourself. If you know yourself you can be your best self and you can read how here: How to Be Your Best Self
Know That You Matter
Having an underlying understanding that you matter just as much as everybody else is crucial to communicating assertively. If you don't think that your feelings and needs are important, you probably won't speak up. Everybody matters, no matter what. The number one person responsible for making sure that your needs are met is you. Sometimes you can do that all on your own, but sometimes you need help. Knowing that those needs matter as much as everybody else's needs will make it easier for you to speak up and advocate for yourself by being assertive.
Have a Little Faith
It's very important to put a little bit of faith in other people when you're asserting yourself. Believe that they care about what you're trying to tell them. Believe that they care about the fact that your needs are important. Believe that they care about your thoughts and feelings, and it will make it easier for you to speak up and be assertive. One thing to have faith about is that you can face and conquer fears and you can learn how here: Facing and Overcoming Fears
Be Specific
To be assertive, you need to be specific about things. People can't respond if they don't know what you expect them to do. So, when you're putting in an order for something, have all the details ready for the person you're giving the order to so they can do their job. When you're asking a friend for help with something, tell them exactly what you need. If someone has overstepped a boundary, be specific and explain why, and tell them exactly what the boundary is so they don't overstep it again. Being specific helps you get your point across and your needs met
Explain More Than Once
It would be nice if things that we felt were obvious were understood by everybody, but sometimes people don't understand. When you are asserting yourself, you may have to speak up more than once. You may have to explain things in more than one way, and you might even have to follow up to make sure things get taken care of properly. That's ok. It takes more time, but it's worth it. So explain things as many times as you need to until people understand. Explaining things to people is best done using your natural leadership skills. Learn what your Sun Sign says about that here: The Zodiac Signs as Leaders
Don’t Back Down
Some people will try to get you to back down after you've been assertive, but you should not back down. You know what you need. You know how you feel. You know what's right for you. Sometimes people struggle with being fair, and you should not make that your problem. Don't back down when you know what your needs are.
Take Your Time
If you're not used to being assertive, you're going to have to be patient with yourself. It can seem scary standing up for yourself when you've never done it before. You will have to learn your own style of doing it, as well as the scale of doing so all at the same time. That's a lot. So, give yourself a break and be patient with yourself. You don't have to be “perfect” at being assertive immediately. Just get started. One thing that can take time and patience is finding your soulmate and you can learn all about soulmates here: What’s a Soulmate/How Do You Find Them?
Use Inviting Body Language
When you are asserting yourself, use effective body language. If you sit with your arms and legs crossed it shows that you're closed off. Open your arms, open your hands, having the palms face up, and smile. This body language shows people that you are welcoming them and inviting them to communicate with you. Nod your head when they respond to you, and be quiet and listen after you speak so that they can respond. It's easier for other people to be accommodating when they feel like you are welcoming them as opposed to shutting them out.
Don’t Attack
Some people are complete jerks, and there's no nice way to say that. They might deserve to be told off, but if you want them to be accommodating, make sure that you don't attack them. Yes, even if you feel like they deserve it. Focus exclusively on what you're trying to accomplish, and it will be easier for you to meet your goal. Being protected beats making attacks and you can read about protective magic here: Magic for Self-Defense
Stick to the Facts
Try to set your emotions aside and stick to the facts when you're being assertive. Facts are things that you can prove, and they are therefore easy for people to understand. When you are being assertive, you're trying to persuade people to do something. If you give them evidence that what you're trying to persuade them of as the best possible course of action, they're more likely to accommodate you. We all get emotional about things, and that is understandable. However, other people are caught up in their own emotions and it's easier for them to understand facts than other people's feelings.
Assertiveness is important in life because it helps other people to understand your needs, wants, feelings, and how they can help. Assertiveness helps you to set boundaries with other people, and it also helps you understand yourself. Understanding that you are just as important as everybody else is the key to being assertive. Having a little faith in other people will help you too. It certainly would be nice if we didn't need to speak up, but we do. So, be assertive, and the right people will appreciate it. You're worth it, and so are they.
If you need help finding the right words when it's time to be assertive, you don't have to deal with that on your own. We are here for you anytime, any day, so get a reading started now.
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for The Green Egg Magazine and PaganPages.Org emag.
