Learn compassion meaning, how being an enabler is not compassionate, examples of compassion, and how to be compassionate without being taken advantage of.
What is Compassion?
Compassion is a powerful sense of sympathy and feeling sad for the suffering or bad luck of others. This feeling motivates us to want to alleviate suffering. The desire for justice and fairness for all people as well as wishing for freedom from suffering for others is compassionate. Compassion is more than just being sympathetic. Compassionate people take action. A compassionate person will bring food to someone who is hungry, medicine for someone who can't get it for themselves, and companionship to those who are lonely.
Compassion is considered important in many different religions. One of the quotes of Buddhism is “ Just as a mother would protect her only child with her life, even so let one cultivate a boundless love towards all beings”. Beliefs like this are part of the reason why some Buddhists embrace a vegetarian lifestyle, because they don't want to create suffering for animals.
Christianity also encourages compassion. Peter 3: 8-9 says, “ Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you are called, that you may obtain a blessing.” Hinduism embraces compassion in multiple ways, but one concept they stress is ahimsa. This means nonviolence and compassion including love and care for all living creatures. To practice this means that you will not only avoid physically harming another living organism, but you will be kind in your words and you won't even think unkind thoughts. Read more about that here: Compassion and Nonviolence: Ahimsa
What Compassion Isn’t
Being compassionate might be about being kind and doing things to alleviate suffering, but there are some things that compassion is not. It’s not compassionate to be an enabler. It’s not compassionate to overextend yourself even if you feel like you're doing good things. It's also not compassionate to feel guilty.
Enabling
Everybody knows someone who just seems like they can't get their lives together. Maybe they can't hold down a steady job or maintain healthy relationships. Maybe they're involved with some kind of substance abuse or even a gambling addiction that eats up all the money they earn and they often can’t pay bills. If you know somebody who will take whatever money they have and put it towards something that hurts them, giving them money isn't compassionate. That enables whatever it is that they're destroying their lives with. It's much more compassionate to try and help find solutions so that they break toxic cycles. Helping people attract abundance is compassionate, and you can find out how to attract prosperity here: The Guide to Prosperities: How to Attract Fortune
Overextending Yourself
Compassion for yourself is just as important as compassion for other people. Losing sleep to do favors for people means going without because you're giving to other people. If these people could make do without what you give them, depleting yourself shows a lack of compassion for yourself. Some people feel very proud of themselves if they suffer greatly for helping other people, but that level of suffering just isn't necessary. If you overextend yourself physically or emotionally, your physical or emotional resources will run out and you will have nothing left to give. So, make sure to pace yourself and by all means give, but don't deplete yourself in the process.
Feeling Guilty
Feeling guilty isn't helpful. It's just a lack of compassion for yourself. When you did the best you could, feeling ashamed that it was all you had to give it's not beneficial. Chances are they appreciate all that you've done for them and they love you for your generous heart. They wouldn't want you to be down on yourself. There are some people who try to make you feel guilty to manipulate you into doing more for them, and that doesn't help you either. So, no guilty feelings, okay? Just do the best you can. If you always try to do the right thing, you won't have any reason to feel bad anyways. Learn all about doing the right thing here: Do the Right Thing- Knowing the Right Thing to Do
When Compassion is Abused
People aren't stupid, especially manipulative people. It seems like they can spot somebody they can take advantage of a mile away. Are you that person? Somebody who is lazy and wants someone else to pay all their bills can be very good at convincing people that it’s necessary, but it isn’t. Why does this happen? Some people are master manipulators, and they might even be mind readers. They know just what to say and do to get exactly what they want. They are brilliant at finding people who will give it to them. Keep in mind not everybody will do these things. These manipulative people are goal focused. Instead of giving up because they couldn't manipulate one person, they move on and find someone who they can. If they try long enough, eventually they will find someone whose compassion they can take advantage of.
Why do some compassionate people allow themselves to be taken advantage of? There are different reasons for this. First if someone was raised in a toxic environment where they were taught from the time they were children to give of themselves and never think of their own needs, they are more likely to be open to that type of abuse. Secondly, some people need to feel important. They believe that if they're doing things for people and being praised for their so-called good deeds, they're good people. So, in a way they might not be so compassionate, but they're doing it for selfish reasons. Find out why toxic relationships happen and what to do about them here: Why Relationships That Are Toxic Happen
There are some signs to look for to see if your compassion is being abused. First the easiest sign is if somebody says they flat out need something, but after you give it to them you realize they've already got it from someone else, or they got it for themselves. Someone who does not have money to pay their bills, but can afford the most expensive music speakers obviously doesn't need the money they are asking you for. If your compassion isn't appreciated, it doesn't matter if you feel like what you're doing is beneficial, your compassion is being abused. Most importantly, if the person who you do things out of compassion for only reaches out to you when they want something, they don't appreciate you and they are abusing your compassion.
Addiction Center has identified 7 signs that you have become an enabler. Are you ignoring shifty behavior, or feeling resentment for someone? Do you blame other people or other situations for what your loved one is doing instead of holding them accountable for their own behavior? Do you lie to cover up for somebody? Is it impossible for you to express your own emotions about the situation? Do you allow fear of the situation to control you and prioritize the needs of someone else over your own? Your compassion is possibly being abused if you are seeing any or all of these signs. Read more from Addiction Center here: What Is an Enabler? - Stop Enabling Today
How to Be Compassionate
Compassion isn't just a mindset, it's a way of life. Being compassionate entails a lot of things, not just wanting to make things better. Compassion entails action. Choosing your words wisely and saying only kind things is one way to be compassionate. Listening intently before you act is also a good way to be compassionate. Helping when you can is also compassionate. Radical acceptance of others despite differences is also a way to be compassionate.
Choose Your Words
The old saying “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” is something to keep in mind if you want to be compassionate. Criticizing people's appearance, weight, income level, or even education level can be very unkind. Telling the truth can also be the most compassionate thing that you can do. Sure, we all want to be told that we're right all the time, but if somebody isn't and you help them to see the way that things actually are, you're educating them and helping them. Letting someone know that they've been talked about behind their back can be the most compassionate thing that you can do. Choosing the right time to do that is also important for compassion. Think very carefully about whether your words are helpful, and then only speak helpful words. That's one way to be compassionate.
Listen
Paying attention to what is said is very important in communication, and perhaps the number one way that you can give someone the dignity and respect that they deserve. That is very compassionate. If you really want to find ways to help people, the best way to do that is to listen and to find out what actually needs done before you get busy doing it. Be silent allowing people to talk, and ask questions for clarification. Sometimes people just need someone who cares enough to listen and that's the most compassionate thing that you can do. Read about the fine art of listening here: How to Become Great at Listening
Lend a Hand
Feeling compassion is one thing, but doing something about problems is quite another. The best way to be compassionate is not to sit by and simply wish that things would get better, but to make things better. If someone is hungry and you have extra food, feed them. If someone is alone, go spend time with them. If someone's feelings are hurt, listen to them and make them feel better. Nobody remembers when someone sends them well wishes like they remember the people who reach out and make a difference.
Accept Others
We are all different from one another, even the people who we are most alike. The most compassionate people accept that we're different and love people anyways. That doesn't mean that you have to tolerate toxic behavior. It just means that you know how to look beyond petty gossip, damaged reputations, and that you embrace diversity. Little else hurts more than being rejected just for being different, especially when you've not done anything wrong. So, be the person who radically accepts people. It's very compassionate.The people who love and accept us make the best friends. Read about the love of friends here: All About the Love of Friends
Protecting a Compassionate Heart
Compassionate people get their hearts stepped on sometimes. Their kindness might be taken advantage of and they may over focus so much on being kind to other people they forget to be kind to themselves. That doesn't have to happen though. Ways that you can protect your compassionate heart is to look beyond an immediate situation at the big picture and learn to say no when you need to. Saying no at the right times allows you to say yes to the right things. Embracing a healthy amount of self-love by prioritizing yourself is the ultimate way to protect yourself from having your compassion taken advantage of.
Look Beyond the Situation
If this is the fourth time a student has asked to retake a test, allowing them to retake another test can make it unfair to the other students. Looking beyond an immediate situation to everything else will help you to know how to protect your compassionate heart. Has your ex asked you to take them back for the second time? They weren't sorry when they were cheating with your best friend, so taking them back might mean displacing your compassion. Look at everything that's going on before you make a decision and you'll know whether to protect yourself or to prioritize someone else.
Learn to Say No and Yes
You have to learn to say no sometimes or you'll be taken advantage of. You might be the go to person for your coworker who likes to call off every time it's their turn to work a weekend, but is that fair? You deserve weekends off too. Go ahead and tell them no and say yes to yourself by enjoying the weekend off. The kids might whine to stay up extra late, but that will mean that you won't get enough sleep and you'll be tired for work tomorrow. So, the answer to staying up late is no and yes to getting enough sleep. Say no to certain things so you can say yes to the right things Read about the power of saying no here: How to Say No: Reclaim Your Power
Prioritize Yourself
Some people believe that it's wrong to make themselves a priority, but the truth is it's wrong not to. You matter just as much as everybody else does, and if you don't take care of yourself, who will? There will always be people who you can do kind things for. You have to make sure to reserve some of that kindness for yourself so that you don't become depleted. Making yourself a priority is a great self-love practice. Learn all about self-love here: Practicing Self Love
Being compassionate allows us to make the world a better place. Compassionate people help to alleviate suffering by saying kind things, listening, being helpful, and accepting people for the way that they are. Some compassionate people allow themselves to be taken advantage of because they're locked in toxic patterns they learned young or because it makes them feel important to do things for other people. Protect your compassionate heart by looking beyond the situation at the big picture or to say no when it's necessary and when to say yes to the right things. Above all, make yourself a priority because you deserve compassion too!
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About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for The Green Egg Magazine and PaganPages.Org emag.
